Here I am again! Walking down the same old familar path that I would rather not go down again, but in reality this is where I am or shall I say we are once again. Another friend who's life was stolen as a result of "Anorexia"
Kristina was a special kind of person with a heart old gold, extraordianary talented, had a sense of style like no other, and I honestly thought this this girl "had it" and would either become a designer or maybe a model.She loved her animals. Kristina was and one the the most understanding and caring person I have ever come across. The fact I will never have another conversation with her or see her upload more of her art just makes me want to cry even more. She was alway on some kind of art project...very right brained personality. She inspired me greatly as I love art and I know she inspired others too. Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. Grief is hard, but when someone passes away too soon and especially of an eating disorder it becomes what feels like an impossible kind of grief. I am numb...I haven't done anything other than cry, sleep, check my phone, cry and sleep. I am walking, but not feeling...this is the shock part of grief in the 5 stages of grief by Elizabeth Kublr-Ross
Life can definitely take us down paths that we don't expect to be on and feel emotions we don't realize we are capable of experiencing. Tradegy and losing someone dear to you is one of the most confusing and sorrowful experiences we will ever go through. Allowing yourself to cry to be confused and vent is a natural process. But it's where we go from there that's important. Do we stay where we are stuck or do we continue to fight and move forward. The obvious answer is move forward towards recovery, but when you are in a state of grief I think it's perfectly okay to stay where you are. You don't have to push yourself foward right away. Processing things, taking care of your needs, and having support is what is important in times as these. As long as you aren't traveling backwards into a relapse staying right where you are is perfectly okay.
Sadly, enough we keep losing people to this awful illness of an eating disorder. This has been a hard year not just for myself, but the close knit community that advocates, struggles, or is recovering from an eating disorder. It was a shock to me to say the least even though she struggled I believed she would make it. She was getting treatment and truly wanted to get better. Kristina and I had a lot in common with the passion through art. We would talk about different art ideas through Pinterest and then repin each other's ideas. Then the talk about "smash books" I will never forget. It was endless idea of what each of us could do and we exchanged our books to each other. It was a shock to everyone that she passed away. She is very much loved and thought about and I pray she knows that.
You must realize how important life truly is and treasure every minute of it because in all honesty you really don't know what tomorrow will bring you. One thing is for sure is eating disorders are very fatal and yet they get the least amount of coverage by insurance companies. So, in turn the mortality rate increases. Eating Disorders DO NOT discriminate. Men, Women of all ages, races, lifestyle, economic status, shapes, and sizes can suffer from an eating disorder. Whether it be Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, EDNOS, Night Eating, or Compulsive Exercise they are ALL DEADLY. None of us chooses to have an eating disorder, rather it chooses us. Eating Disorders are by no means pretty or glamorous. This madness has to end NOW.
I'm heartbroken at the amount of friends I have lost to this ugly disease. Please fight your hardest to overcome your eating disorder. Those that are in "recovery" battlinng and those that are battling to be in "recovery" must use the fight for strength. It's a choice between life and death. The in between, living in your illness is not really living at all. Each meal, every snack, every day counts, no ifs and sorrys or butts. We do not have the luxury to restrict our intake.
Rest In Peace
Kristian Swygert
Melissa Deheart
Gretchen Elizabeth Gleason
Emily Elizabeth Roe
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