RIP Melissa

So, as a good friend of mine passed away right before Christmas it reminds that this illness can catch you at any time during your recovery.  You can be doing everything right that you learned in a treatment center or as an outpatient and then*boom* you are needing to be medically hospitalized.  You are in a very dangerous situation with eating disorder symptoms which can ultimately end your life.

Melissa was a wonderful person who was full of life and all that jazz, she loved pink, high heel shoes, and glitter, but with all that said she still struggled because even though you are in recovery doesn't mean the eating disorder is gone.  It still exist even if you are not acting out on behaviors that **voice** still looms in the back of your head trying to convince you to go back to your old unhealthy behaviors. You have to fight the demon in your head everyday.  In recovery you can NEVER take a day off or you will slip into a lapse or even a relapse. When you are in recovery and have other co-existing problems they often take place of the eating disorder and I think in all honesty that is what happened with Melissa.  It is no doubt that she left her mark in the world and inspired millions of people through blogging, the media, public awareness, and speaking.  To many she was a role model who was at death's bed 5 years ago and then was at a healthy weight and loving her life.

Melissa was a blogger for Rader Programs at Pacific Shores Hospital in Ventura, California.  I years ago it seems attended that hospital.  It was a good program, but had flaws which now I know have changed for the better. She had a wonderful boyfriend who she truly loved, her own apartment, and oh could she ever dance as she calls it "jiggy" I'm reminded with much sadness when I hear the song "Brave" by Sara Bareilles.  I think others will agree that this was her song, her mark to "be brave" even if she couldn't.  She wanted to brighten and shine everyone's world even if she couldn't do the same for herself.  A doctor whom I know at Rader had told her "it's time to move on" it really broke her heart because she loved her job and helping others.  I believe it was her true calling to help others. I think that's when the demon came back. She just couldn't fight it anymore.

As I think about Melissa and how she had it all together-or did she?  I look at my own life struggling with an eating disorder and yet my body is falling apart due to all the years of abuse.  I have arthritis, can't run anymore among many other things.  So, this is a reminder to pursue recovery and never give up on life. Life is so very precious and we need to cherish it because you never know when your time is up.  That applies to friends and family too!  Be there for each other.  You must never ever give up on those that care about you/. The ones you laugh with, smile, love, never underestimate your true values, and most importantly believe in you.  In the long run, they will be beyond grateful for being there and knowing what true kindness really is about.  Someday, just someday they will thank you for everything you did.  I have a friend that I feel like this. I would bend over backward, donate a lung, do anything for them.  She is my best friend and I don't know what I would do without her daily texts or snail mail. She brightens my day like no other.

RIP Sweet Melissa