Life in Recovery

"Life in Recovery" is truly an amazing experience.  It's what I call "my ah-ha moment". " Life in Recovery" makes me be able to do things I never dreamed were even possible or yet attainable.  It enables me to smile, laugh, go to the mall with friends, or even go out to eat at a restraunt.  I want to share the message that "There is Hope" for you in recovery...you are never alone and help is alway avaliable.

My recovery is about being real, honest, hopeful, authentic and it's also about making mistakes, seeking feedback even when I didn't want it.  I had to try new things and push myself as hard as possible...this process took years and still is ongoing today.  You can never take a day off in recovery...it's an every day thing and I believe that everyone  has the full potential of recovery, but reaching this potential takes lots of pratice and hard work. What helped me the most was therapy, nutrition counsling, and medication management which helped me with the underlying depression, anxiety, and OCD.  I think these things are extremely a crucial part of recovery.  What ultimately got me better was nutrition...eating three meals a day and two snack every day no matter what! My recovery meant getting off my meal plan an into intutive eating. Eating when you are hungry and being able to stop when you are full. It's when I was able to stop counting calories and where numbers are no longer a trigger for me. I don't even think about them anymore. It's where I can realiae that I am not defined by the number on the scale, a label, a diagnosis, or even a person with an eating disorder.  It's when I can stop looking up nutritional information.   It's about being healthy both mentally and physically, to sit with my anxiety and fears and to NEVER engage in Ed even if I don't feel 100%. It means I can do many meaningful things like hug a friend or play with my yorkie Bella..  Recovery in itself is a very complicated task I will admit. Full recovery from an eating disorder means the unhealthy thinking is under control and have been completely resolved, but recovery does not mean that you will love your body all the time.  Our bodies enable us to do things we enjoy.   Distractions from eating disorder behaviors were also very important (see coping to toolbox blog) Every time you are distracted from the eating disorder you are healing. When I am able to realize that I have perfectionist tendencieswhich are not attainable.  Today, I can honestly say I am imperfectly perfect.   Recovery means taking off the mask you have been hiding under and facing life, being assertive, and being able to say "no" to things you don't want to do.   It's also about accepting myself for who I am not and what I was and on moving on-a life of fulfillment, happiness, and love.  I must remember that recovery takes time...lots of time  Recovery gives me the power to take immediate action when I am about to slip. For me, it means I am not hiding my struggles from those that care and love you me . Full recovery means I don't believe that I will ever have another relapse and the eating disorder has banished forever.   My recovery remains in the present tense and still in on going.  It's about re-building lives after the eating disorder and figuring out every thing that life has to offer.  Recovery took me more time and hard work than I ever thought possible, but it has paid off and has taken my life back from the eating disorder.  My life is no long ruled by what Ed says because Ed is non-existant in my world. If I want to stay well, I can't ever neglect any of these things...I have to continue to do them every single day. When I am in the process of reaching for recovery I discovered how much I have learned about myself and my thinking has shifted away from the eating disorder that I will t have nothing to do with Ed any longer.   It's when I am are able to discover who I am as a whole person and not someone with an eating disorder. They say "you're only sick as your secrets"  It's when I need to open up and to start being honest and real which has been a huge part of my healing.  No two people are identical, which means no two recoveries will be the same either, so stop comparing yourself to someone else in recovery.  It's not worth it.  My recovery isn't finished yet...it's a work in progress. I have confidence today and I am able to be grateful that I am alive today. You have to make peace with you are and who you are and learning how to respect your limits.

Today, I wear purple because I am fre(ed)