Moving in the Right Direction

Eating Disorder Recovery gives you a great sense of relief and it's as if you were being suffocated, but now you can FINALLY breathe.  There is pain no doubt in the initial stages of treatment.  At a point you are relieved to be out of your old unhealthy eating disorder behaviors and in a safe environment-protection.  But there is a huge part of you that wants to get up and pack you bags and leave.  This is where you need to be strong and say to yourself  "I can do this".  There is light at the end of that very dark and ugly tunnel, and it's not a freight train.

There are times in treatment where I personally felt all alone and no one to turn to or talk to.  I would go to my room and get in bed and cry.  All I wanted to do is stay in the warm bed because it was comfort, but I knew I had to pull myself out and face the eating disorder head on or it would take me 8 feet down into the ground.  Many people would ask me "Do you want to recover" or "Do you want to stay sick" I knew the answer, but was scared.  It's as if I wanted to recover, but also wanted a tiny bit of the eating disorder to tag along just in case I needed it.  Full recovery will not happen with the eating disorder tagging along.  You must pick yourself up off the ground and proceed forward with recovery.  Don't do it for your family, friends, teachers, or even mentors.  You have to do recovery for yourself because that's the only way it will really be full recovery.

Are you going through a period questioning your own recovery? You can turn around and walk away if you choose, but I promise you it will not only land you where you started, but it will be a miserable full relapse. You will stay stuck-like glue.  Continue to move forward no matter what the circumstances are.  You CAN push through it...it's really not an option anymore it's a "I have to for myself".  Take a giant leap of faith and trust your treatment team, family, friends, mentors, or teachers and move towards recovery.  You won't regret it I promise you because life on the other side in recovery is the most amazing and rewarding feeling you can possibly have.  It's like an Ah-ha moment.