Ten Things I Want Sufferers To Know About Anorexia

1. It’s an illness, not a choice. You don’t have anorexia because you’re a vain control freak on a mega-diet—anorexia is a biologically based mental illness. 

2. Food is medicine. You have to eat in order to get well. You don’t have to like this, and eating may make you feel worse at first. That’s okay. Keep eating. 

3. Anorexia often brings “friends” in the form of co-existing conditions such as depression and anxiety. Although it makes recovery more complicated, it doesn’t make recovery impossible. Staying healthy means managing both anorexia and any other mental illness you might have. 

4. Weight isn’t the measure of how sick you are. Not that weight and health have nothing to do with each other, but you can be very ill with anorexia and be at a “normal” weight. Remember, you can drown just as easily in six inches of water as you can in six feet or six miles. 

5. Anorexia is deadly serious. Eating disorders have the highest death rate of any psychiatric illness. The “best” anorexic is the dead one. 

6. There is hope for recovery. Many people with anorexia recover and go on to live happy, fulfilling lives…and you can be one of them. 

7. You will never be totally “ready” to recover. That’s okay. Most people aren’t- even those who have made a full recovery. Let someone else do the wanting for you until you can take over that job yourself. 

8. Keep your recovery in the present tense. By all means, put your illness behind you, but remember to stay vigilant about your recovery. This takes a lot of effort, but eventually it does get easier. 

9. There are no shortcuts. Recovering from anorexia means eating and gaining weight and being uncomfortable in your new body and new habits. There is no getting around this, the only thing is to get through it. 

10. Anorexia is your illness, not your identity.

Source: Carrie Arnold

Reasons To Quit Dieting

1. “I stepped back from consciously dieting and gave up the aesthetic goal of looking smaller because I didn’t want to jeopardize my mental health to get there.

I started working on loving my body and honoring its health needs. I stopped thinking in terms of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods and started focusing hard on listening to my body.I also stopped trying to exercise according to some external notion of the ‘perfect workout schedule.’ I do yoga because I love it; I don’t have to drag myself like I did when I had a gym routine I hated.

I’m still working on loving my current size and shape, but I’m proud to say that I’m making progress on this front! I’ve realized that loving your body doesn’t happen at the expense of somebody else, or even your own “before” pictures. It’s about understanding that there are lots of different kinds of beauty in the world and they are all equally wonderful.”

-Virginia

2. “I spent lots of energy thinking about what I shouldn’t eat. It wasn’t fun and didn’t lead to lasting weight loss or better health.

I had no idea there was an option that was so much more joyful and healthy. My daughter is so capable with eating. Seeing how natural it was for her to seek variety and eat the right amount when she listened to her body, inspired me.Turning my back on weight loss has been liberating. I exercise because itfeels good. I don’t deny my appetites. If I want a Reese’s with coffee after lunch, I enjoy it, and have much more joy and feel fewer cravings.

I freed my mind from thinking about eating and exercise. I stopped participating in negative body talk—I didn’t want my daughter to learn that from me. Initially it took a conscious effort. Now (almost) always, it is how I really feel. Fake it at first if you have to, you’ll get there.”

-Katja

3. “Diets reinforced the message that my body was not to be trusted. It wasn’t working for me and I was trying to recover from an eating disorder.

When I took the terrifying leap into a world without food rules I learned to really listen to my body. Since I no longer exercise as punishment for my food choices or with weight loss as the end goal, I have identified many forms of exercise and movement that I LOVE. Walking, yoga, swimming and dancing around my room ridiculously are a few examples.

I have so much more time and free mental space available to me now that I actually have the ability to recognize positive aspects of my body. Notice and appreciate all of the amazing things your body does for you on a daily basis.Maybe even say, ‘Thank you.’ ”

-Alaura

4. “Dieting taught me that I couldn’t know if I was hungry, full, sad, happy, angry. I became detached from my body to survive.

My tummy would say, ‘I’m hungry.’ I would respond, ‘Shut up, here’s some water.’ I learned that the body is not something to be beaten into submission. My poor body was so hungry and thirsty that it stopped working. I decided to quit DIEting and start living. I stopped reading fashion magazines which helps my mental health immensely. I listen to my body. I try to be gentle. I find FUN ways of moving that are pleasurable and comfortable. I don’t feel like a prisoner or victim to myself anymore.”

-Ani

5. “I believed, falsely, that every 3500 calories cut would result in a pound of weight lost and that would somehow bring me closer to ‘happiness’ which I mistakenly linked to my weight.

I began to resent food and those who enjoyed it. Restriction meant I could not find a way to enjoy foods without binging. Since I feared getting fat, I purged. Bulimia developed as I cared more about being thin than my own life.

My recovery was jolted when I entered treatment. I came back a changed woman who wanted to declare peace with her body and use her energy to grow as a person and treat herself well. I now understand that living my life hoping that I’ll do/be ___ when I weigh ____ was the worst thing I could do for my health. You can be healthy without hating yourself. Treat your body like the most precious gift you’ve ever received. Because it is.”

-Annabel

6. “I quit dieting when I grew tired of hating my body.

I was exhausted from obsessing over food. I realized that denying certain foods only drives the desire for them. Now I eat mindfully and intuitively. My life is completely different — I’m calm, more creative, less inhibited, less socially inept and generally more at peace. I’m finally happy and my body has changed because of it.

Since age 4 I’d gotten the message that I am unacceptable because of my size. I’d been taught that my intelligence, creativity, kindness and accomplishments paled in relation to my appearance. After 38 years of these lessons, I’ve come to understand the lies and hatred for what they are. It has nothing to do with me; it never did. I am me, not my size. Tell your inner critic to shut up. Learn to live inside your body. Start listening to its inherent wisdom.”

-Catherine

7. “I quit dieting because 20 or so years of dieting had not made me thin, healthy, or happy.

I shifted my focus from my aesthetic to my lifestyle. By focusing on healthy behaviors for body, mind and spirit I’ve achieved a level of physical, mental and emotional health that I never imagined was possible. Now I no longer associate eating with guilt and punishment so I actually enjoy my food. I no longer live and die by the number on the scale or define my self-worth by the size of my jeans.

Oscar Wilde wrote, ‘To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.’ This is non-negotiable. The most liberating moment in human existence is the moment you fall in love with yourself, just as you are. Everything is possible when you believe that your happiness is worth fighting for.”

-CJ

8. “After 15 years on a diet I got tired of looking at food but seeing numbers. I learned that diets work, until they don’t.

My weight was a constant struggle between wanting to eat what I wanted and having to go hungry to control the number on the scale. I was sick of constantly obsessing about food. Dieting and being thinner never made me like my body, so I decided to give eating for my health and loving myself a try—I never looked back.

I never restrict myself so that I don’t go back to the dieting mentality and then the binges. I exercise to feel good, never to change the shape of my body. And now I have much more time for activities I enjoy. I don’t panic about what I can eat or how it will affect my weight. I tossed my scale. I’m heavier than my diet days but now I spend zero time being dissatisfied with the person in the mirror, compared to 100% of the time back then.”

Reasons To Be "Thin" And Why They Aren't True

1. You can look in the mirror, and feel good about what you see.

No number on the scale will ever be low enough to make you accept what you see in the mirror. Not because there is something wrong with your body, but because you don’t have an accurate perception of the way you look. The truth is that the way you feel about your body has little to do with your actual weight, and much more to do with the way you feel about who you are as a person. When you’re able to accept yourself and  embrace your flaws, who you are becomes enough and the desire to change your body in order to compensate for your faults no longer feels necessary. When you can love the person you are inside, you are able to love the person you see in the mirror.  

2. So that people will like you better and want to be your friend.

Anyone who chooses their friends based on the way they look is not someone you should be interested in pursuing a friendship with. You don’t choose your friends based on how thin they are. You choose them because of who they are and how they make you feel. You’re friends with people who make you laugh and smile. People who are there to listen and validate your experience. People who share your interests and beliefs. People who make you happy. You are no exception.

3. Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.

Thinness is not synonymous with happiness. Being happy feels good. Pushing yourself beyond healthy means to achieve a perfect body, does not. Restricting makes you feel deprived, depressed, and detached. You feel weak, lightheaded, and dizzy. You have no energy and can’t concentrate. The time you take to obsessively exercise and count calories leaves you with little time to invest in your friendships, leaving you to feel isolated, lonely, and disconnected, with nothing but the scale as your friend. Ultimately, being “thin” causes you to lose so much more than weight. You lose friends, opportunities, and life experiences. You miss out on fun, love, and connection. You miss out on life.

4. Guys/girls will be attracted to you.

No matter what size you wear or what shape your body is, there will always be someone who isn’t attracted to you. Not because you’re inadequate or ugly, but because every person is unique in the qualities and features they find attractive in others. Beauty comes in every shape and size. It doesn’t discriminate. And honestly, beauty transcends appearance. Being attractive is less about having a beautiful body, and much more about having a beautiful soul. People can be beautiful in looks, but they can also be beautiful because of who they are. Because of how they make you feel. Because of the way they make you laugh and smile. Because they have made a difference in people’s lives. The way you look is such a small part of who you are. You are so much more than a number on the scale. And if a person chooses not to be attracted to you solely because of the way you look, then they aren’t worth your time.

5. People will remember you as the “beautiful, thin one”.

Is that really what you want to be remembered for when you die? For your appearance and weight? Because when I die, I want people to remember me for the person I am. I want to be remembered for being kind and loving and compassionate. I want to be remembered for being intelligent and brave and trustworthy. I want to be remembered for my integrity, my values, and my beliefs. I want to be remembered as a good friend and sister and daughter. I want to be remembered as someone who made a difference.

There is Hope...Recovery is Possible

I'll Be Happy When...

Our happiness always seems to come with conditions.

"I’ll be happy when I’m thin."

"I’ll be happy when I get good grades."

"I’ll be happy when I’m in a relationship."

"I’ll be happy when I get my dream job."

Looking to the external world to remedy an internal problem however, doesn’t work.

These things may bring us happiness, but it’s a happiness that is short-lived and temporary.

The reality is that happiness has no conditions.

It isn’t a destination or a person or something you can buy.

Happiness is something you create.

It’s an outlook and it’s a choice.

You find happiness when you stop fixating on everything going wrong in your life, and start focusing on all the things going right.

You find it when you stop comparing yourself to others, and start embracing who you are with love and acceptance.

You find happiness when you live in the moment—when you let go of the hurt from your past and the anxiety of the future; when you allow yourself to enjoy the possibility of today.

You find it when you stop holding yourself to impossible or unrealistic standards—when you let go of all the judgements and expectations; when you allow yourself to be exactly who you are and feel exactly what you feel.

You find happiness when you let go of the fear of failure; when you give yourself the permission to mess up and be imperfect; when you embrace your flaws; when you recognize that your mistakes don’t make you a failure—they make you human, and they help you to learn and grow.

The only thing preventing you from being happy, is you.

Decide that you deserve something more.

Stop listening to the voice telling you that you aren’t worthy of happiness.

It’s lying.

Because happiness isn’t something you earn.

It’s your birthright.

Reasons To Stop Making Comparisions

1. External things aren’t an accurate measure of self-worth.

Because we can most easily compare the things that we can objectively measure, we live in a world that is great at measuring and comparing externals. Somewhere along the way, we decided that we could determine who is living a more valuable life by comparing our clothes, cars, body size, weight income, beauty and occupation. The reality however is that external things do not define your self worth. The person you are inside—your character, your attitude, your goals and dreams, your morals and values, the way in which you treat others—these are truly self-defining. The external things don’t have the power to discount who you are as a person.

2. You always compare your worst with their best.

Comparing your life with others is always a losing proposition because there will always be people who “appear” to be better off than you and seemingly live the perfect life. We always compare the worst of what we know about ourselves to the best assumptions that we make about others. The truth is that other people’s lives are never as perfect as your mind make them out to be. Everyone struggles. Everyone feels insecure. No one’s live is easy. People tend to put their best face on in public. Know that what you see is not usually the whole picture.

3. There is no end to the comparison game.

There are an infinite number of categories upon which you can compare yourself, and an almost infinite number of people to compare yourself to. Once you start down that road, you will never, ever find an end.

4. Life isn’t a competition.

How you measure up against others holds absolutely no importance in your life. Other people’s strengths, talents, and successes don’t discount your own. They don’t define who you are as a person. Your goal in life isn’t to be better than everyone else. The goal is to be the best you that you can possibly be.

5. Comparison puts your focus on the wrong person.

You can control one life – yours. When you consistently compare yourself to others, you’re wasting precious energy and time by focusing on other peoples’ lives rather than your own.

6. Comparison robs you of joy.

Comparing yourself to others will always cause you to regret what you aren’t, rather than allow you to enjoy and celebrate who you are. It will always steal the joy and happiness that is within your reach. It keeps you from recognizing and appreciating all the wonderful things that make you, you. And ultimately, comparing prevents you from fully living your life. It causes you to envy and fixate on other people’s lives rather than experiencing and engaging in your own.

Making comparisons doesn’t make us feel any better. It makes us feel inadequate and worthless, and in many ways, it keeps us stuck. While the temptation to compare may never be completely eliminated, there are definitely some practical steps that you can take to challenge the comparison thoughts.

7. Recognize the inherent problems in comparing yourself to others.

You are a unique human being with an individual set of strengths, struggles, talents, insight, and characteristics. You can’t make comparisons, because as a unique person, you have a unique life. You can’t possibly expect your life to look like anyone else’s because there is no one else exactly like you.

8. Celebrate who you are.

Instead of focusing on all the things that other people have, start focusing on all the things make you special. You have so many wonderful things that make you who you are. These things that make you different are the things that make you beautiful. Don’t forget them.

9. Challenge the voice telling you that you aren’t good enough.

Your tendency to make comparisons isn’t a result of inadequacy. It stems from your insecurity and the belief that you aren’t good enough. When you can challenge these thoughts and counter them with truths. When you accept yourself for the person you are, and recognize all that you have to offer, the need to make comparisons will fade, because you’ll realize that other people’s lives and successes don’t have to take away from or discount all the things that make you wonderful.

10. Remember that nobody is perfect.

We live in a society that strives for perfection. The reality however, is that perfection is unrealistic and unobtainable. Everyone has flaws and imperfections. Everyone has made mistakes and messed up. No one’s life is perfect. You are no exception to that. Know that happiness doesn’t come from having the perfect life. It comes from looking past the imperfections and struggles and holding onto the good things. The sooner you stop striving for perfection, the sooner you can start enjoying your life.

11. Try something different.

Chances are that you’ve been comparing yourself to others for a long time. You know how awful it feels, and you know that it hasn’t really gotten you anywhere. So why not try something new? You have absolutely nothing to lose. So instead of shaming yourself for being different, try celebrating what makes you unique. Instead of beating yourself up for making a mistake, try accepting and loving yourself for who you are without conditions. Instead of striving for perfection, try to be the best you that you can be. Instead of making comparisons, try to remind yourself of all the things that make you special.

Recovery is Possible

Recovery is always possible no matter what your circumstances may be. Never ever give up on your life...you are worth more. The best day of your life will be the day when you choose recovery.

How To Cope with Loneliness

How To Cope With Loneliness

1. Separate your feelings from reality.

Recognize that feeling lonely doesn’t mean you are alone. There are a handful of people who love and care for you. In the moment when you’re feeling lonely, it’s hard to remember these people and that they are there. But the truth is that they do exist and to them, you matter.

And despite the feeling that you are alone, you are most certainly not alone in how you feel or what you’re going through. There are so many other people in the world who feel just as isolated and invisible as you do. When you find yourself feeling hopeless and inadequate, remind yourself of these people and that they are right beside you, fighting your same fight.

2. Feel your feelings.

When we start feeling the pang of loneliness, our first instinct is to find some way to get rid of it. Whether that means ignoring our feelings completely, stuffing them down, or trying to numb out using unhealthy coping mechanisms, we think that by avoiding our pain we can escape it. But in doing so, we end up perpetuating our hurt and keeping ourselves stuck.

Easing the loneliness takes allowing yourself to feel your feelings. Whether that means crying, journaling about how you feel, deep breathing, or simply sitting with the emotions, give yourself permission to feel your loneliness. Don’t judge your feelings or yourself for feeling them. Acknowledge the loneliness, and let it be. Be curious about why it’s there, and instead of treating it with criticism, tend to it with compassion and kindness.

3. Embrace your alone time.

Being alone doesn’t have to be a curse. It doesn’t mean you have to sulk in bed, feel inadequate, or beat yourself up. All that it means is that in this particular moment, you are by yourself and therefore, have the opportunity for self-discovery. Being alone gives you the chance to explore new interests, do things you’re passionate about, practice self-care, recharge, and relax. Use this time to get in touch with your soul. It needs your love and attention.

4. Reach out and connect.

When we’re feeling lonely, it’s difficult to sum up the courage to ask for support. We’re scared of burdening people with our struggles, having our experience invalidated, or altogether being ignored. We use the fact that no one has checked in with us as proof  that we’re invisible and insignificant. And so, we don’t reach out because we decide that no one would want to support us anyway. But by adopting these beliefs, we keep ourselves feeling isolated and alone.

The truth is that people can’t read our minds. They don’t know we’re hurting and in need of a friend unless we tell them. And they don’t know how to help unless we explain to them what we need. So instead of waiting for someone to reach out to you, make the initiative to reach out to them. Be proactive. Use your voice and assert your needs. People want to be there for you. They want to help. But they don’t know to act unless you ask and let them know how you’re feeling.

Reaching out isn’t easy and can even be scary, but by taking the risk, we provide ourselves with the opportunity to get support. If you reach out to one person and they don’t respond right away, don’t give up, and don’t take it personally. People can sometimes be busy. Just because one person isn’t available doesn’t mean no one will be.

Try other people. Leave a friend a voice mail and tell them how you’re feeling. Invite someone over. Ask to video chat. Make plans to meet up with a friend for a meal. Plan a trip to the movies or a walk at the park. The possibilities are endless. Support is available to you. You just have to give yourself permission to utilize it.

5. Remind yourself that it will pass.

In the moment, the pain of loneliness feels as though it will last forever. It feels wounding and incapacitating, and the idea of going another minute feeling this pain seems unbearable. But the truth is that like all feelings, it will pass. Maybe not this minute, maybe not for an hour or for the remainder of the night, but it will eventually subside.

Feelings are like waves. They come in strong, peek, and then fade. Loneliness is no exception. Just because you’re feeling it’s pain now doesn’t mean you will feel it’s pain forever. Breathe. In and out. Again and again, and remind yourself that this will pass. Remind yourself that you will make it through. Remind yourself that you have felt this loneliness before and survived it, and so, you can survive it today. It will pass. It always has and always will.

How To Find Self-Acceptance

How To Find Self  Acceptance

1. Identify and challenge your negative thoughts.

The first step towards finding self-acceptance is identifying the judgements you are attaching to your authentic self. Do you think you’re too much? Too emotional? Too quirky? Too shy? Too silly? Whatever the thoughts and beliefs are, identifying them is key because it allows you to challenge them.

Allowing your negative thoughts to go unchallenged gives them more power. Even if you don’t believe the things you say to counter the voice, it’s still important to speak out against it. Each time you argue with the thoughts, you are entertaining the notion that maybe, just maybe, it’s wrong. Each time you fight back, you’re taking away their power. The more you challenge the thoughts, the less you will believe them.

2.  Explore you reasons for holding back.

What your fears are about allowing the world to see you as you are? Are you scared of being judged? Abandoned? Criticized? Laughed at? When you can identify the beliefs, test out your anticipated outcome and see whether or not your fears become a reality.

Chances are, you will find that no one sees you in the same negative light you see yourself in. Just because a few people have responded negatively to your authentic self doesn’t mean everyone will. Just because you don’t approve of yourself doesn’t mean other people won’t either.

The truth is that not everyone is going to like and accept who we are. Not because we’re inadequate—but because everyone has different personalities, interests, beliefs, values, needs, and desires. Therefore, gaining everyone’s approval is an exhausting, unrealistic, and impossible goal. Know that when you compromise who you are for the sake of being accepted, you end up attracted people who value you for someone you aren’t.

Trust that when you allow your authentic self to shine that the right people will find there way into your life. These are the people who love and accept you without conditions—these are the people who matter. Let go of the rest. They don’t discount who you are.

3. Recognize your inherent worth.

Self-acceptance transpires when you’re able to recognize that self-worth isn’t something you earn—it’s something you’re born with. You have intrinsic value. You exist and therefore you matter. Your worth as a human being isn’t something up for negotiation—it just is.

2. Stop making comparisons.

Comparing yourself to other people doesn’t make you feel any better about who you are—it makes you feel worse and keeps you feeling inadequate. Whether or not you “measure up” to someone else is not an accurate basis of your self-worth. Instead of fixating on all the things you’re lacking, start focusing on all the things that make you wonderful and beautiful and special.

There will always be someone who weighs more or less than you. There will always be someone richer or poorer than you. Someone more well-liked or less well-liked than you. Someone more conventionally beautiful or less traditionally attractive than you. But there will never be another you. Your differentness isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s something to celebrate.

3. Stop using your appearance to define your worth.

The way you look is such a small part of who you are. How much you weigh, what you look like, the shape of your body, your skin color, ethnicity, and clothing size NOT have the power to discount your worth as a human being.

You are defined by who you are inside—by your character, your goals, your morals, your dreams, your heart, the love you have to give, your values, your attitude, and the way you treat others.

You are SO much more than how you look and what you weigh. You’re a spirit and a soul. You’re force of nature and a source of power. You’re energy and light and love. You’re full of insight, experience, potential, and possibility. You have so much more to offer this world than your appearance.

4. Redefine the qualities you feel ashamed of.

Recognize that no one is perfect. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has unpleasant qualities, limitations, obnoxious habits, and annoying quirks. Those less favorable traits however aren’t all of who we are. They don’t discount our positive aspects, and they most certainly don’t make us undeserving of love.

Instead of using these qualities as proof of your inadequacy, choose to redefine them in a more positive light.

Being sensitive doesn’t have to be a sign of weakness. It can be a gateway to connection. Being sensitive helps people to treat others with compassion and kindness, form deep friendships, and sympathyze with the struggles of others. Sensitivity gives you a caring soul.

Being shy doesn’t have to be a social inadequacy. It makes people good listeners and helps them to be more observant of their surroundings. When you take the time to listen and watch what’s going on around you, you learn a lot.

Being childish doesn’t have to translate to immaturity. I can mean someone isn’t afraid to be silly and laugh themselves. Getting in touch with your inner child allows people to connect with kids and gives them a youthful spirit.

Being needy doesn’t mean someone is a burden. Everyone has needs, and everyone deserves to get those needs met. Someone who is needy is simply good at asking for what they want and taking care of themselves.

Whatever the qualities are, know that they can be redefined and used as a strength.

5. Forgive yourself for making mistakes.

A lot of us think that being “good” or “worthy” means being perfect. The reality is that no one is perfect. Everyone messes up. Everyone struggles and has a difficult time with life. Making mistakes doesn’t make you inadequate or incapable—it makes you human.

Instead of beating yourself up for being imperfect, embrace your humanness and forgive yourself. Know that you’re doing the best you can and that’s all you can ask of yourself. It’s enough.

You can’t go back in time and erase your mistakes, but you can always learn from them. You can always choose to use them as an opportunity for growth.

***Know that there is nothing wrong with who you are.

You are wonderful and special and one of a kind.

You are seen and heard.

You are important and valued and appreciated.

And most importantly, you are loved.