Compulsive Exercise

Throughout my long history with an eating disorder I was also a compulsive exerciser.  I would wake up at 4am go to the gym, go to class, go to work, and then back to the gym (this was in my early 20's) I loved running because it gave me "happy endorphins" in reality it was more like happiness painted on my face because I wasn't truly happy. I was damaging my body and my bones.  I was always tired and irratable and had no patience for anything.  However, I had more sprains and other injuries that I would over look and keep on exercising.  I was in the ER quite often for dehydration and not one ER physican ever questioned if I had an eating disorder...does that suprise you? 

Well, yes it is very alarming that not more physicians are educated on eating disorders but perhaps it needs to start in medical school where new residence are required to step foot in a treatment center for eating disorders and see first hand what it's like to need a feeding tube or be scared to death to eat your next meal.

My Compulsive Exerscise Addiction Caused

• Dehydration
• Electrolyte Imbalance
• Low Potassium
• Irregular Heart 
• Muscle Cramps

The Compulsiveness is the same in anxiety, perfectionism, and of course eating disorders. You are very worried an anxious about something underlying and perhaps you don't know what that is yet so, you turn to what's safe and protective...which might not be all that healthy either

I am incredibly lucky that I didn't do severe damage to my body.  I do not have osteopenia or osteoperosis in fact, my bones are quite strong which runs in the family. I am beyond grateful that I don't have too many medical complications and that I am alive and doing amazing!  I didn't escape free from all medical complications

To this day I am very sensative to heat and have to be super careful not to become dehydrated or to drink gatorade with caution.  Especially in the summer months...it doen't take much for my potassium to drop, dizziness, and sometimes passing out.  This is due to the long term eating disorder behaviors which are now undercontrol

I started running again and realized I am ten years older and have to be careful of not getting into something I can't get out of so, I stopped...you can stop the insanity too!  It's all about willpower

I don't need the eating disorder to dictate how I spend my day.  If I want to exercise I do with moderation and if I want to take a day off and go shopping that's okay too!  It's not a part of my daily life to exercise every single day...there is so much out there to be discovered that perhaps you eating disorder is keeping you from.  Let go of the control and discovery what life is really about.  I can say that it certainly is not all about Ed...which is what he wants you to think.

Guilt

I think that when we feel guilt that we should respect that feeling. By respectecting those feelings that no matter how hard we try, will truly make us examine ourselves and what we truly think is right from wrong. Feeling guilt I will admit is not a pleasant feeling, but it's not supposed to be either.  Research shows that we learn about guilt at the age of 3 ,and that is when be begin to understand the consequences of our actions.   If we colored on the walls there will be consequences, so we tried not to do it again to avoid the same outcome. If we did decide to color on the walls, knowing that it could disappoint others, it might cause up to feel ashamed of ourselves.Having a “guilty conscience” inside has been known for us  to grow up and become better citizens and make better decisions  Guilt if kept in long enough can come out in other forms of destructive behaviors. Individuals with eating disorders tend to have a large amount of guilt inside of them

The  guilt that is stuffed inside of us based off of what we consume, what has happened in our past, and what other trauma's that may have occuried in our life. Many of us who suffer with eating disorders tend to become very resistant to treatment out of fear .  Guilt can and will drives us all to become someone we are not.  When you begin therapy you will undersand that you don’t have to feel guilty for the situations that happened in your life.  In turn it will ease the unhealthy behaviors that are driven by obsession, It's a huge experience to realize how much of your time and effort that you have invested in your false beliefs. It's then that you being to get back in touch with the internal beliefs. When you start your healthy behaviors the guilt seems to simply go away. You can get back in touch with yourself and begin to sleep much better at night, and feel that you can finally start to breathe again.  If you take Ed completely out of your life for good the only guilt you will begin to feel is why you didn't do it sooner.

“She let go of all the shame and guilt. Seeing that she couldn't have become who she was without those past mistakes. It was a time to honor them and thank them, and know that they were some of the best parts of her" ~Terri St. Cloud

Perfectionism

I thought I would write on perfectionsim since it comes along with eating disorders.  I am perfectly imperfect and that's okay because being perfect means I am not living my life, but merely just existing.

What We Do Know About Perfectionsim is.
1. It's a drive that's inside us to be the very best at everything
2. It goes hand and hand with not only eating disorders, but OCD as well
3. Judging yourself based on your performance
4. Approval of others
5. It's black and white thinking and no grey

I'm a huge fan of Brene's Brown and have read all of her books, but this one particular book called "The Gifts of Imperfectionism" really goes to the core on what perfectionism is all about

" Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around thinking it will protect us when, in fact, it's the thing that's really preventing us from being seen and taking flight." - Brené Brown

In Brene Brown's book she talks about whole-hearted living which is

• Letting go of what people think about you
• Letting go of perfectionism
• Letting go of numbing and powerlessness
• Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark
• Letting go for the need of certanity
• Letting go of comparisson
• Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth
• Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle
• Letting go of self-doubt and supposed to
• Letting go of being cool and always in control

Perfectionism lurkes in music, dance, art, and other fine arts where everything must be perfect all the time.  There's a drive in you that sets very high standards for yourself that are unrealistic, but you are unable to this.

I have played the violin since I was 4 years old, combined with a sensative personality, and preposition for an eating disorder...the perfectionist piece was already planted I just didn't realize it. For me, it was all about people pleasing others.  It didn't matter what I thought because pleasing others and making them happy is what counted the most.  Now, today as I write this I realize how unhealthy and unrealistic that thinking was.  I have learned many tools that have enabled me to think differerntly. It was about wanting the love I missed out on and needing that approval and acceptance growing up. When I was in that perfect mindset everything around me was invisible because I was too emeshed with everything being perfect.  I remember many times in school of re-writting my notes because I didn't think my handwriting was perfect enough when really all it did was cause me extra unneeeded work.

Today, I know that being perfect does not define me, it does not put any value on who I am, and it does not determine my self-worth. Just like seperating your eating disorder voice, you need to seperate the perfectionism voice from you...you need to take action and say, I'm not going to allow you to interfere with me today! You have a choice...you can let perfectionsim take over your life or you can choose to talk back to perfectionism into living your life.  It is very freeing knowing that you don't have to be the very best a something and you can still apperciate what you have achieved.  I know that if I clean the house it's okay the miss a spot.

So, Are you a perfectionist?

• Does everything have to be the very absolute best
• Do you reorganize things until they are just right
• Do you suffer from insomnia due to perfectionism

There are just some question to ask yourself.

To listen to an encouraging podcast with Thom Rutledge on Perfectionism Click the link below
http://www.mentorconnect-ed.org/mcteleconferencepodcasts/

A Survivor Is...

A Survivor Is...

A fearless warrior on life's battlefield

A Comapssionate soul reaching out to others

A voice speaking out for those who have gone unheard

A beacon on light for those trapped in darkness as they guide them to safety

A guardian angel protecting the innoccent form harm

A comforter who's insight gives them empathy for fellow victims and survivors

A leader stepping up to pave the way for future generations to come

A ray of hope through tough times

An encourager who provides inspiration with their story of survival

A phoenix who is rising about the ashes in the past

A fighter who seeks justice

A hero who sacerfices to help save lives from being shattered apart

A defender of truth who stands up for what's right

A beautiful person whose inner beauty shines bright

An eagle who is soaring to new heights

A source of motivation for those rebuilding a new life outside of abuse

A courageous person making a breakthrough in life

A strong soul who has overcome the odds stacked against them

A confiedent solider om the fight who never backs down or gives in

A dreamer who believes in themselves and their work they are doing

An explorer who sees beyond to horizons to find the destiny waiting for them

An extraordinary person accomplishing and achieving great things in life

A caring person who shows the world what love and compassion are all about

An empowering person who envisions what can be instead of thinking what could have been

A heart of gold helping others to heal in their own journey

A voice loud and clear that refuses to be silenced

A blossoming flower who continues to grow in strength, beauty, and wisdom

An insightful person who shares therir knowlege to tear down the walls of ignorance

A listener who hears the cries of other hearts out there

A gentle soul not afraid to show emotions and feelings

A team player who unites together with other survivors to fight for the freedom of others

A positive person make the difference in someone else's life

A healer putting back together the pieces of another's broken heart

A butterfly flying high and taking off towards a new day

An authour writing the pages of a better sequel to their life story

An adventurer who takes risks and chances, seizing opportunities that come their way

A tough sailor who endures the storm and still stands strong after the rain is gone

A teacher that educates the world on the dangers and damages of abuse

An artist painting bright positive colors for those facing negaitive shades of grey

A good samaritan loving with all they have to love and giving with all they have to give

A hardworking soul making the most of each moment in life

A carefree spirit enjoying the present, looking towards the future, and leaving behind the past

A priceless, precious gift filled with so much worth and value

A lending hand to those in need

Slogans In Recovery

There are many slogan's in recovery that you can affirm.  I think slogans are important as they play a huge role in recovery.  What are your slogans that you use?

• One day at a time
• Let go and let God
• Courage to Change
• Just for today
• You are not alone
• It takes time to get better
• Sick and tired of being sick and tired
• A journey of a 1,000 miles begins with one single step
• This too shall pass
• You are not required to like it, you're only required to DO IT
• Don't compare yourself to others
• Be a part of the solution, not part of the problem
• Keep an open mind
• Live in the NOW
• Do the next "right thing"
• Every day is a gift that's why we call it "present"
• Easy does it
• When all else fails, follow directions
• Recovery is a journey, not a destination
• Recovery is not an option
• We are only sick as are secrets
• The first step to overcoming your mistakes is admitting to them
• Recovery is not something that you join, it's a way of life
• Expect miracles
• God is always on time
• Courage is faith that has said it's prayers
• When we surrender to God, the journey begins
• Fear is the absense of faith
• Faith is our greatest gift; sharing it with others is our greatest responsibility
• Turn it over to God
• Replace guilt with gratitude
• Let Go
• Change is a process, not an event
• Help is only a phone call, e-mail, text, or skype away
• There are no coincidences in recovery
• Willingness is the key
• You will be amazed what recovery can do
• The road to recovery is a simple journey for confused people with a complicated disease
• Pass it on
• Before you say "I can't" say "I'll try"
• Don't quit five minutes before your miracle happens
• Practice and attitude of gratitude
• God will never give you more than you can handle
• Decisions aren't forever
• Keep it simple
• Keep your recovery first, make it last
• Fear stands for frustration
• Anger in one letter away from danger
• Faith is action
• Trust God
• There are people who make things happen, there are people who watch things happen, there are people who don't know anything...which one are you?
• I must learn simply that my control is limited to my behavior and attitude
• There is no magic in recovery, only miracles
• You are exactly where God wants you to be
• To be forgiven, we must forgive
• Recovery is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm
• Pray
• My worst days in recovery are better than my best day in a relapse
• Recovery is an every day approach
• Always moving forward
• No turning back
• No matter how bad the relapse, we will see that our experience can benefit others
• Life will change

Do you use slogans in your recovery.  They can be very helpful if you are in that very dark place where the demon is trying to lure you in his direction.  You must get up and say "I'm not going to listent you anymore" I want recovery and a better life.

Try or Do

When you hear that others in recovery are "doing the best" they possibly can...what does that mean to you? Power, success, determination, moving forward, or even living life?  I get all excited when I hear others say that they are "doing their best". When you here others who have battles to fight say they are "trying their best" what comes to mind for you? I believe that there is no "try your best", but only that "you are doing your best" Trying gives you so many outs.  It gives you the okay to sit exactly where you are and never move on.  Trying is a great word that many use when they are "stuck" in the illness.  Many, many years ago I felt that I didn't need to "give it my best" as long as I was "trying". I told others that I was "trying" to recover, I was "trying" to use my coping skills, I was "trying" to get my healthy back. I was just "trying" which is what I thought all that mattered...well, I have to say I was very wrong about this. One day the "trying" got really boring and I decided to change for "try" to "do"  I actually had to push myself and just go after recovery with all I had in me.  Instead of sitting in the same place, I put forth all my effort and more and started the "self discovery" part of recovery.I was learning so much about myself that I didn't realize. I was facing my fears and anxieties head on with no turning back. If the expectation was for me to stop something...I just did! I will do whatever is asked of my team and tackle that task, and follow through till the very end no matter how hard, no matter how difficult, or even how scary it may be.  I gave my recovery 200% I would of never been able to survive my eating disorder if it wasn't for my team pushing me to go beyond, believing in me, and never once did they give up on me. So, tonight are you going to "try" to recover or are you going to "give it your best" to make recovery a reality?  It will be worth it in the end.  As some say that recovery is not a destination, but a journey...that couldn't be more true than NOW