A Letter from Recovery

Allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Recovery. You may have feared me for a long time but hopefully we can become great partners.  In the coming time I will invest a lot in you and I expect the same from you because I believe you can do it!

In the past you have heard of all your teachers and parents talk about you.  You are “so mature”, “intelligent”, 14 going on 45, and possess “so much potential”.  You don’t see this but I tell you it is true. You have amazing talents.  You are not perfect but that’s okay; no one is!  All you have to do is try.  Your time is not wasted on thinking and talking with friends and drawing.  Such acts shall be encouraged.

Your friends try to understand you.  They may not, but they try only because they love you.  In the past, when the insecurity has quietly gnawed away at your mind and you asked them, “Do I look…fat?” and they answered “Oh no, of course not”, Why would they lie?  I tell the truth too.  Even though your parents yell and scream you know that they love you and care for you.  None of this is an obligation.  They wouldn’t care if they didn’t love you!  I shall tell you a secret now; deep down inside themselves they are proud of you.  Their daughter, the one with so much potential, has done nothing but show them how much of a beautiful young lady she has grown into.

I would never change all that.  I will just make it even better!

I expect a lot from you.  You are going to have to work hard.  I won’t lie.  But when those thoughts creep up into your head and Anorexia tries to tell you that you’re fat and ugly I will be here to fall back on to.  I will show you that this is not true and you have so much to live for.  You won’t have to count calories or restrict food, but rather embrace food and health and happiness you will receive.  For a while you will be moving along with much motivation, but when the first hurdle comes along…don’t give up!  You will see how much clearer your mind thinks and you won’t have to worry about your hair falling out.  I will never tell you that you’re not good enough.  All that matters is when you fall down you DO get back up.

I will expect you to follow a meal plan and decrease your exercise, but is this too much to ask for in exchange for your happiness?  I will be here to encourage you.  I will help you to release your anger in a positive way and to know it is okay and healthy to feel those feelings of fear and sadness.  Don’t be afraid.  This is the beginning to life.  I am with you always.  I am there when you wake up in the morning and are afraid of breakfast.  I will help you through it.  The numbers on the scale don’t define who you are.  And the obsessive thoughts, pray for them to be lower than yesterday, last night, etc.  You look into the mirror with dismay but you will soon see the beauty that stares back at you.  You prod and poke at your body, never being satisfied.  So I will show you the satisfaction of going through a day without fearing that you will pass out, and the freedom to be able to work and play.  I am there when you figure this out because I want to see you happy and healthy.

I fill your mind with positive thoughts and things that are happy to think about.  I don’t want to rule you; I want to be your friend and your way to a healthy life.  The hunger pains show you that you are alive and that your body does work.  It needs to be nourished, so give it what it needs for once!

Don’t be fake.  When you feel sad it is okay to cry.  Talk to other people and find support.  We cannot do this alone.  When mealtimes come around don’t be afraid!  I will help you.  It’s okay; I promise that food does not make you fat.  If you eat all the control your eating disorder has will be broken.  I want this for you, but you have to want it too.  Those perfect skinned, white teethed, waifish models you see everywhere are not happy. Don’t long to be them.  You would never live a life to the fullest.  When you look in the mirror Anorexia distorts the image.  It shows you obesity and hideousness, but I will help you to see the truth.  When there is a starving child in the mirror I will change to a beautiful, healthy, strong, nourished woman.  Please eat again.  Our relationship will be beautiful, and your enemy Anorexia will come crashing down and have no control over you.

Sometimes you will have bad days and want to purge or starve yourself, but think about where that will get you?  Look back and see how sick you really were and how you were not happy.  Hold onto faith.

When you want to turn back to Anorexia out of fear, ask me for advice because I will help you see reality.  I don’t want you to hate yourself or be in pain.  You have to want this also.  Our relationship won’t be successful if you don’t want to help yourself.

When Anorexia wants you to hurt yourself, bang your head into the wall until you receive a throbbing headache, cut to see your blood, feel you deserve whatever pain it gives you, I tell you don’t listen!  Why are you going to hurt yourself because other people hurt you?  Talk about your hurt instead of stuffing it and you will heal.  You are depressed, obsessed in pain, hurting, reaching out, and I am here.  I care!  You are deserving of recovery!

Anorexia is unfair!  It causes you more stress.  Thoughts of anger, sadness, desperation, and loneliness never go away.  Calorie counting and obsessions only cover them but that can’t last for forever.  I help take away these feelings for good by healing and facing them head on.

Anorexia has a weak spot.  We must tell everyone!  If you decide to fight back, to reach out to someone and tell them about how it makes you live; all hell will break lose.  It has made you a starving hurt child.  Fight back!  When others comment, listen.  Cling to everyone that tries to help you let go of your eating disorder.  It is your worst asset, and it intends to keep it that way, but it doesn’t have to be that way.  I am here, I do truly care.

Sincerely,

Recovery

Night Eating Syndrome (NES)

Did you know that Night Eating Sydrome is an actual disorder-an eating disorder that's very hard to treat. It's in the new DSM-5 which enables individuals to receive better treatment options and insurance coverage. There needs to be more awareness of this condition and understanding...no one is alone in this fight!

What is Night Eating Syndrome?

Night Eating Syndrome is an eating disorder in which the affected individual wakes several times in the middle of the night and is unable to fall back asleep without eating. The food eaten is often unhealthy and caloric. Estimates indicate that up to one percent of the global population might be afflicted with night eating syndrome

Night Eating Syndrome Behavior

Individuals with Night Eating Syndrome consume 35% or more of their daily calories after dinner time. Following the night binge, the affected individual is often not hungry in the morning. People suffering with Night Eating Syndrome often get caught in the vicious cycle of eating less during the day and more at night.

Triggers for Night Eating Syndrome

Night Eating Syndrome is often directly linked to psychological factors. Some triggers for Night Eating Syndrome include:

Depression

Anxiety

Interpersonal stress

Boredom

Prolonged dieting

Body image dissatisfaction

An Embarrassing Secret

For the person suffering from Night Eating Syndrome, the eating disorder episodes usually occur in secret and any evidence is often hidden from others. Like individuals with anorexia nervosa or bulimia, those struggling with night eating syndrome often have feel discontent with their weight.

Night Eating Syndrome Symptoms

Symptoms of Night Eating Syndrome include:

Binge eating, eating when full

Hiding food

Eating alone due to shame or embarrassment

Preoccupation with body weight

Rapid weight fluctuations

Constant dieting

Eating less than normal during the day

Medical Complications from Night Eating Syndrome

Medical complications from the behavior accompanying this eating disorder can be severe and even life-threatening. Diabetes, hypertension and cardiac problems are just a few of the dangerous complications.

For a complete list of potential medical problems for Night Eating Syndrome, visit our Medical Complications page.

Night Eating Syndrome Treatment and Lifelong Recovery

Night Eating Syndrome afflicts the mind as well as the body. This is very complex disorder Night Eating Syndrome is a disease and cannot be cured with willpower alone.

Night Eating Syndrome treatment plan is essential in keeping you healthy for life.

Eating disorders destroy lives and tears families apart. If Night Eating Syndrome is left untreated, it can be fatal. 

50 Things You Need To Give Up Today

1.Give up trying to be perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done.

2. Give up comparing yourself to others. – The only person you are competing against is yourself.

3. Give up dwelling on the past or worrying too much about the future. Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you. Right now is life. Don’t miss it.

4. Give up complaining. – Do something about it.

5. Give up holding grudges. – Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.

6. Give up waiting. – What we don’t start today won’t be finished by tomorrow. Knowledge and intelligence are both useless without action.

7. Give up lying. – In the long-run the truth always reveals itself. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.

8. Give up trying to avoid mistakes. – The only mistake that can truly hurt you is choosing to do nothing simply because you’re too scared to make a mistake.

9. Give up saying, “I can’t.” – As Henry Ford put it, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you are right.”

10. Give up trying to be everything to everyone. – Making one person smile can change the world. Maybe not the whole world, but their world. Start small. Start now.

11. Give up thinking you’re not ready. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first.

12. Give up setting small goals for yourself. – Many people set small goals because they’re afraid to fail. Ironically, setting these small goals is what makes them fail.

13. Give up trying to do everything by yourself. – You are the sum of the people you spend the most time with. If you work together, you will be far more capable and powerful than you ever could have been alone.

14. Give up buying things you don’t need. – Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you. Do not spend to impress others. Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.

15. Give up blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can live your dream life depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life.

16. Give up making mountains out of molehills. – One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time? Three years? Five years? If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.

17. Give up trying to live up to the expectations of others. – Work on it for real and exceed your own expectations. Everything else will fall into place.

18. Give up the ‘easy street’ mentality. – There is too much emphasis on finding a ‘quick fix’ in today’s society. For example taking diet pills to lose weight instead of exercising and eating well. No amount of magic fairy dust replaces diligent, focused, hard work.

19. Give up making promises you can’t keep. – Don’t over-promise. Over-deliver on everything you do.

20. Give up letting your thoughts and feelings bottle up inside. – People are not mind readers. They will never know how you feel unless you tell them.

21. Give up beating around the bush. – Say what you mean and mean what you say. Communicate effectively.

22. Give up avoiding change. – However good or bad a situation is now, it will change. That’s the one thing you can count on. So embrace change and realize that change happens for a reason. It won’t always be easy or obvious at first, but in the end it will be worth it.

23. Give up your sense of entitlement. – Nobody is entitled to anything in this world. We are all equal. We breathe the same air. We get what we give. We get what we earn.

24. Give up waiting until the last minute. – Those who fail to plan, plan to fail.

25. Give up being dramatic. – Stay out of other people’s drama and don’t needlessly create your own.

26. Give up being anti-athletic. – Get your body moving! Simply take a long, relaxing walk or commit 30 minutes to an at-home exercise program like the P90X workout.

27. Give up junk food. – You are what you eat.

28. Give up eating as a means of entertainment. – Don’t eat when you’re bored. Eat when you’re hungry.

29. Give up foolish habits that you know are foolish. – Don’t text and drive. Don’t drink and drive. Don’t smoke. Etc.

30. Give up relationships with people who bring you down. – Saying “no” to right people gives you the time and resources required to say “yes” to right opportunities. Spend time with nice people who are smart, driven and likeminded.

31. Give up being shy. – Network with people. Meet new people. Ask questions. Introduce yourself.

32. Give up worrying about what others think of you. – Unless you’re trying to make a great first impression (job interview, first date, etc.), don’t let the opinions of others stand in your way. What they think and say about you isn’t important. What is important is how you feel about yourself.

33. Give up trying to control everything. – Life is an unpredictable phenomenon. No matter how good or bad things seem right now, we can never be 100% certain what will happen next. So do you best with what’s in front of you and leave the rest to the powers above you.

34. Give up doing the same thing over and over again. – In order to grow, you must expand your horizons and break free of your comfort zone. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.

35. Give up following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile. Don’t find the easy way out. Do something extraordinary.

36. Give up persistent multi-tasking. – Do one thing at a time and do it right.

37. Give up thinking others are luckier than you. – The harder you work, the luckier you will become.

38. Give up filling every waking moment with commitments and activities. – It’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to do nothing sometimes. Think. Relax. Breathe. Be.

39. Give up making emotional decisions. – Don’t let your emotions trump your intelligence. Slow down and think things through before you make any life-changing decisions.

40. Give up doing the wrong things just because you can get away with it. – Just because you can get away with something doesn’t mean you should do it. Think bigger. Keep the end in mind. Do what you know in your heart is right.

41. Give up focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

42. Give up taking yourself so seriously. – Few others do anyway. So enjoy yourself and have a little fun while you can.

43. Give up spending your life working in a career field you’re not passionate about. – Life is too short for such nonsense. The right career choice is based on one key point: Finding hard work you love doing. So if you catch yourself working hard and loving every minute of it, don’t stop. You’re on to something big. Because hard work ain’t hard when you concentrate on your passions.

44. Give up thinking about the things you don’t have. – Appreciate everything you do have. Many people aren’t so lucky.

45. Give up doubting others. – People who are determined do remarkable things. Remember, the one who says it can’t be done should never interrupt the one doing it.

46. Give up fussing with every beauty product on the market. – Good looks attracts the eyes. Personality attracts the heart. Be proud to be you. That’s when you’re beautiful.

47. Give up trying to fit in. – Don’t mold yourself into someone you’re not. Be yourself. Oftentimes, the only reason they want you to fit in is that once you do they can ignore you and go about their business.

48. Give up trying to be different for the sake of being different. – Nonconformity for the sake of nonconformity is conformity. When people try too hard to be different, they usually end up being just like everyone else who is trying to be different. Once again, be yourself.

49. Give up trying to avoid risk. – There’s no such thing as ‘risk free.’ Everything you do or don’t do has an inherent risk.

50. Give up putting your own needs on the back burner. – Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
And remember, mistakes make us human, failures help us grow, hope keeps us going and love is the reason we’re alive. So keep learning, loving and living. Never give up on yourself.

Why I Must Eat

It's fuel

It does not make me fat

You don't want an eating disorder 

It makes you happy

It keeps your metabolism working 

It's not the enemy; your ED is

It will keep your energy up

It will help you think better

It will regulate your emotions

You'll be more confident

I don't need to deserve food

To fight your ED

Because you're beautiful

To eat fear foods

To be able to eat out with friends and not panic 

Because you're strong

It keeps you alive 

It keeps you hoping

Because your weight is not important

You'll smile more

Because you matter 

Because life is awesome

Because food tastes good

Because gum in not enough 

Relapse Prevention

The road to recovery is long and hard. No one travels it gracefully.  There are many slips, trips, and lapses.  Those who eventually do recover learn to pick themselves up when they fall, brush off the dust, and keep going.  By doing so, they keep temporary lapses from turning into full-blown relapses. Here are things to do when relapse threatens.

Nourish yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Accept that everyone has needs, legitimate needs, and you don't need to be ashamed of yours. Learn how to meet your needs in healthy, responsible ways.  If you make yourself feel needy, you will tend to look for comfort in diet books or the refrigerator.  Especially make sure that everyday that you spend time with friends.  In person is the best, but phone calls and emails are better than nothing.

A Healthy Lifestyle Insulates Against Major Relapses Try and get at least 8 hours of sleep every night, exercise (but don't overdo it), nurture supportive relationships, no alcohol, no drugs, no cutting, no smoking, no other form of self abuse.  Wear your seat belt in the car etc.

Also every day spend time doing things you are good at, things you can take pride in, things the demonstrate your competency and abilities. Allow yourself to enjoy your accomplishments and refuse to listen to the inner nagging voice that insists you could do better if only you tried harder.

Schedule something to look forward to every day, something that is fun and enjoyable. Watch comedy videos and laugh out loud at outrageous jokes.  Play something-a board game, a computer game, a musical instrument, tapes, or CD's.  Go outside and enjoy the birds, trees, flowers, and fresh air.  If you live in the middle of a big city, go to the park.  Make something with your own hands.  Figure out how to give yourself a fun break from the daily routine, and then do it.

Keep tabs on your feelings. Several times during the day, especially in the first stages of recovery, take time out and ask yourself how you feel.  If you notice rising stress, anger, anxiety, fear, sadness-even strong joy-be alert to the possibility that you may try and dull these strong emotions by turning to, or away from, food.  Find a better way of dealing with your feelings such as talking them over with a trusted friend.

Do something meaningful every day, something that gives you a sense of having made the world a better place, if only in a small way.  If you do this consistently, you will build a sense of your dignity, value and ability to make a difference in your world.

The 12-step folks have a useful formula. When they feel on the verge of falling into old behaviors, they say HALT! Then they ask, "Am I too Hungry, too Angry, too Lonely, or too Tired?" All of those statements are strong triggers.  Additionally triggers for people with eating disorders seem to be Boredom and Unstructured time.  If you find yourself stressed by any of these feelings, figure out a healthier and more effective way of dealing them rather than binge eating or starving.

If you feel yourself slipping back into old unhealthy habits, call your therapist and schedule an appointment.  Returning to counseling in no way means that you have failed.  It means that it's only time to reevaluate and fine tune your recovery plan.

MORE RELAPSE PREVENTION STRATEGIES

Withdrawal is avoidable but not permanent.  First, you have physical withdrawal: feeling bloated, lack of hunger signals, the incredible binge, weight gain, and possible edema, electrolyte imbalances, nausea, constipation, dizzy spells, and insomnia.  It's part and parcel.  Everyone goes through this! If your problem is COE, there will be extreme hunger, insomnia, fatigue, and nausea.    Think of it like detoxing off drugs or alcohol.  You have to be very careful during the first few weeks of recovery because if you don't work carefully with your meal plan, it can be dangerous for your health...rather like alcohol withdrawal.  Secondly, mentally you will feel depressed, anxious, angry, etc.  All those emotions you were hiding or numbing come back and furious.  Not to mention your measure of self-worth is pretty low when you start recovery.  It is important that you have support behind you or it can feel absolutely hopeless.  However, it passes.  It's NOT permanent.

Know your triggers.  Make a list of your triggers...ALL of them.  What I mean by that are internal triggers like shame, boredom, anger, fear, etc; external triggers including the obvious things like scales etc. and things like family, financial problems, weather, etc.  After you made a list imprint it on your brain.  A list won't help unless that information is in your mental stores.

Build a recovery peer group. An online peer recovery support group. For some, it may take a real time group to keep you accountable.  OA is a great organization that is free.  ABA/EDA are great organizations, ANAD is too, and there may be other groups in your area. Some of them cost money.  If you can't afford it, go!  Skimping on recovery is part of the general rule of relapsing as listed above.  Keep in mind that if you are in a relationship where the other person (parent, child, sibling, friend, partner etc.) is addicted, Al Anon and Nar Anon can be excellent resources even if their addictions is not limited to substances.  One other important point:  make sure there are plenty of people in your group who are in recovery!  There's a 12-step phrase "stick with the winners".  Make sure your "winners" are actual winners.

Write down an emergency phone list and keep it with you at all times.  On the top of the list should be your therapist, your internist (or pediatrician, cardiologist, GP, etc.), your dietitian, and your psychiatrist.  If you are involved in a 12-step, your sponsor should be up there, too.  Fill the rest of the list with people who are supportive of your recovery until you get at least 10 names and numbers.  This should include peers and friends instead of partners or family.  There are too many emotional strings attached to family.  They should never be the first resort when you are teetering on the edge of relapse.  Other numbers (beyond the 10) you might consider including hotlines for the Good Samaritan (for suicidality) and EDA, AA, ANAD, Alanon etc.

Make a list of affirmations about yourself.  Many of us (almost all of us) believe that we are the scum of the earth half the time.  This is especially true in relapse mode.  So...make a list of at least 10 affirmations and keep it with you at all times.  Post it on your bathroom mirror and your car visor as well.  Don't try to come up with extensive, elaborate affirmations.  They should be basic as necessary.  You don't even have to believe them for now.  For example:  I am human, and I have the right to be cared for.  I am loved.  I care about myself.  I deserve good mental and physical health.  I deny myself when I deny my problems etc.

Develop a mantra that works for you. I have always said " I am worth it" when I was struggling. A sponsor in AA said "I love me".  Other people have used "I can do this, I'll do it for me, " and "Easy does it."

Know your symptoms.  What I mean by that is you should be able to recognize a slip coming.  This is different from triggers.  This is being able to recognize those thoughts that come along and say "ya know...I don't really need to eat my snack tonight." or "lots of people exercise for hours at a time" or "ya know...I got this enough under control to go on a diet again" or "I really should keep laxatives around for when I'm constipated", etc.  This also includes "I really don't think I need my meds; I feel fine right now" or "my meds are expensive; I think I'll stop taking them."  Be aware of behaviors, too.  For example: progressively being later and later to work or school, buying magazines about people losing weight, letting your sleep habits fall by the wayside, etc.  Lastly, be overly aware of things like flashbacks, nightmares etc.  Knowing your symptoms is as important as knowing your triggers.

Coping Skill Toolbox

Coping Skills

Here is a list of coping skills when you are in that dark place and need a healthy way to deal with those emotions.  I truly hope that this helps all of you!

1. Journaling
2. Taking a hot bath
3. Lavendar Lotion
4. Art Journals about Recovery
5. Inspirational Quotes
6. Play-Dough
7. Affirmations
8. Writing Snail Mail
9. The Smell of Candles
10. Zen Gardens
11. Reading
12. Texting or Calling Someone
13. Facebook Chat
14. Meditation
15. Relaxing or Calming Music
16. Yoga
17. Go for a nice drive in the country
18. Take a nap
19. Cross Words, Suduko, or other mind building games
20. Rubic Cubes
21. Be in a support group
22. Staying grounded
23. Vision Boards
24. Push your tongue to the roof of your mouth
25. Make a safe place scene
26. Staying Present
27. Pray
28. Make a list of things you need to do
29. Knit
30. Get out in the sunshine
31. Watch the stars or the clouds
32. Sit and observe the nature around you
33. Take pictures
34. Pet Therapy
35. Color with Crayons
36. Mandela's
37. Zen Tangles
38. Write Poems
39. Make a rubberband ball
40. A gratititude list
41. Pintrest, Tumblr, or Facebook
42. Write a letter to someone you are having issues with, but don't send it
43. Recovery Apps-Recovery Record, Happier, Kissy, Body Beautiful, Rise Up, GPS4Soul, Instagram
44. Make some Tea
45. Make a bucket list
46. Look up Recovery Websites
47. Volunteer
48. Do a puzzle
49. Paint
50. Make a list of reasons to recover
51. Art Journals
52. Listen to Podcasts
53. Paint Your Nails
54. Call or text a friend
55. Sketch or Draw
56. Paint with watercolors
57. Hang out with friend or family
58. Dance
59. Take a bubble bath
60. Stretch
61. Breathe
62. Cry
63. Go to a walk
64. Walk a dog at the Humane Society
65. Swim
66. Watch a good movie
67. Visit your grandparents
68. Play the piano
69. Retail Therapy-Shopping
70. Make Jewelry
71. Make a list of your goals
72. Make a wanderlust
73. Make a list of why you love your body and what it does for you
74. Write a list of what makes you feel beautiful
75. Go to an Antique store
76. Go to the beach and read
77. Send a letter to a soldier

When the Road is Full of Potholes

WHEN THE ROAD TO RECOVERY IS FULL OF POTHOLES

By: Julie B. Clark, PhD

You seem to be sailing along with the wind in your hair and then bam! - you fall into a pothole. Finding yourself engaging in the same eating disorder behaviors you've been fighting so hard to be free from can be discouraging. Some refer to this pothole process as a lapse. This means using the old familiar but unwanted behaviors of the eating disorder to cope. It does not mean a complete return to the eating disorder. Recovery is a roller-coaster ride and it certainly has its ups and downs. The ride can be discouraging and feelings of fear and hopelessness often creep in for anyone trying to recover as well as for their friends and family members. Fortunately there are also those exhilarating moments of success. Hang on and learn how to enjoy the ride!! Don't ever give up or quit!! The reality of recovery is that it takes time. Dr. Michael Stroeber did research on the long-term outcome in anorexia nervosa for recovery. He found that nearly 30% of patients had weight loss following hospital discharge, prior to achieving either partial or full recovery. For most patients the time to recovery was 57 months for partial recovery, to 79 months for full recovery. The relapse rate after partial recovery was 10%, but 0% after full recovery. He also found in his sample of 95 patients that 75% met criteria for full recovery with 86% of the sample achieving at partial or full recovery (recovery was defined in terms of partial or full remission, maintained for a period of no fewer than 8 consecutive weeks). Individuals suffering from bulimia typically have a larger percent in full recovery and it usually doesn't take as long to achieve.

Let's focus on lapses and what to expect. Lapses in recovery are a step in the process and provide opportunities to learn and utilize better coping strategies. Dr Craig L. Johnson, who is one of the leading researchers in the area of eating disorder treatment, states:

"Our program operates on the philosophy that patients who have long histories of eating disorders and other comorbid symptoms usually require long-term treatment. In our minds long-term treatment is measured in years, not days, weeks or months. In our opinion there is no shortcut to the process of undoing previously disappointing relationships and establishing new ones. In our experience, talk is cheap when working with these patients. Our more difficult patients have taught us that anorexia and bulimia are episodic disorders and that recovery is a process of taking two steps forward and one step backward. It is a process that requires a great deal of patience.."

This may be comforting and overwhelming all at the same time. I have heard so many say "I just want it to go away-now!" Just remember that the eating disorder didn't develop overnight and it will not go away overnight. It is a hard-fought battle but so possible. Dr. Paul Harper suggests that "recognizing the stages of the lapses can help you recognize the danger signals leading to relapse which can help you control and stop the negative trends." Life is full of "opportunities" to encounter situations that test the fiber of your change. The situations that can be difficult include (I might add that this is true for any human being) painful emotional states, interpersonal conflict, social pressure, unhealthy dietary and health approaches, and failure experiences. Hello! welcome to life. Maybe the partial key to recovery is in normalizing the journey of life. It is realizing that we all struggle and are doing the best we can in these roller-coaster situations. Unfortunately, rigid expectations and perfectionism can be sabotaging to the process. Instead of learning to do it better and letting the lapses be a step to recovery many will see the lapses as failure. Often family members, friends, and therapists become discouraged and inadvertently or overtly support that notion. I like what Dr. Maria Root said in a recent article she wrote on relapse. She said: The chance of a relapse exists for anyone who has had an eating disorder, even after being symptom-free for years. Humility, coupled with hope and a sincere willingness to carefully examine what happened during minor or even major slips, is what defines recovery.

Family members and friends can make a great difference in the process of recovery by providing encouragement and expressing confidence in your loved one's ability to succeed. Avoid criticism. It is not a motivator to change. Keep up the expressions of love and acceptance. Whatever the emotional process to change is, it definitely takes repetition and constancy. Measure success on new dimensions and look for the change that is happening. Sometimes our expectations for ourselves and others can be too constricting and rigid and we label our efforts as not good enough. The fear of the destructive eating disorder behavior can also send us into a panic mode and create additional stressors. Using guilt or shame against the eating disorder won't help. Remember that your loved one already has plenty of this. What they need most is love, acceptance, and a belief in their ability to overcome the eating disorder. In a similar way you must accept and value your abilities and efforts. The journey is a painful and joyful one for all involved. This challenge of recovery can provide the soil for the growth of incredible relationships and understanding hearts. With love, encouragement, and continuing effort, the number of potholes will decrease as the road ahead becomes more smooth and predictable.

Perspectives On Recovery

It’s time we started to change the way we view the world of eating disorders, things are starting to change, and they are starting to change for the better. For those who have suffered or who are suffering… NOW is the time to stand up against all that your Eating Disorder and tell it we are not going to take it anymore. What better a time to do this thenRIGHT NOW!!!

Listen up! You or somebody you know probably has experienced some kind of eating disorder, and even if you haven’t here is your chance to get involved. Open your arms to that some that is suffering…NOW is the time to stand up and make a difference, to stand up together, and to make Awareness Loud and Clear! If you would like to know more about how you can make a difference in your community.  I love it when I hear people say that they are doing their best… it means determination… it means power… it means success. I hate it when I hear people say they are “trying” their best, I guess it’s because after awhile “Try” gets old. Try to me gives you so many outs. It gives you so many reasons to just sit where you are and never move on.

Try is a great word when you are stuck in your illness, because it’s basically your “get out of jail free card” start to figure how this that you really don't have to give it your all, as long as you tell people that you are “trying my best” I am “trying to eat”, “I am trying not to binge and purge”, “I am trying not to lie, manipulate.". People say, “as long as you're trying” then I guess its ok. You will find that as long as you say that one word, people will cut you a lot of slack. That song and dance worked for awhile, but eventually you will find the old “I am trying” bit got withered. The people in your book basically are smarter then you thought, and just started to take what was said and hold it to no value whatsoever. They would roll their eyes, sigh, and shake there heads. Here she goes again… she’s “trying to get better” for the umteenth million time!! … and yes… “TRIES” to be a typical.  Well one day you will get really tired of all of this, so do something different and replaced the “TRY” with “DO”!! Of course people won't believe you at first but if your'e determined to not try; but to actually push the petal to the metal and just go after it!

Instead of putting forth a little bit of effort, put forth ALL your effort. Start to just tackle the things that fear you the most.  Realize that for so long you have been so afraid of jumping in the water for fear that you might drown, and because of that, you never gave yourself the chance to see if you could swim. It not until you stop just sticking your toe in the water and actually just dove right in, that is when you will realize that you are capable of not sinking to the bottom and actually keeping your head above water! For most of your life all you did was“TRY”… when I walked in the doors of treatment you have made up your mind from day one to “DO”.  You just DID… “whatever they asked, and will take it on…and follow through to the end no matter how hard, no matter how difficult, no matter how scary.” If the expectation was to stop binging and purging… DO IT… If the expectation was to eat 100 percent of your meal… DO IT… if the expectation was to stop acting out in my unhealthy behavior, feel those feelings, and find new ways to cope…DO IT. There is a lot to be said about having many acquaintances,but only having a few very good friends. We aren't talking about all your friends on Facebook, or should I simply say all those strangers you have never met. You must have very few  friends, the ones that help you move, give one of your kidney’s to.  I know that if it was not for truly good friends, you would never have survived the eating disorder.

When you are in the depths of my disease almost everybod will give up on you! It's a horrible feeling to feel like you don't have a friend in the world. However, there are some friends that will never give up hope, that never failed to see that there was life underneath all the eating disorder.

Learning To Love and Accept Your Body

DON’T COMPARE

When we compare ourselves to others we always lose.  The realities of our looks and theirs don’t even matter. 

When we look at others, we see how perfect they are.  When we look at ourselves, we see how imperfect we are. We feel we can never measure up, no matter what.  By avoiding comparisons to others, we save ourselves a lot of grief and hard work towards making our bodies the best it can be.

FOCUS ON ACCOMPLISHMENTS

Try and focus on positive traits.  Are you loving, kind, and considerate?  Do you visit your grandmother regularly? Do you get good grades?  Are you a wonderful mother or spouse?  Are you known for the fun parties you throw? Can you draw?  We all have talents and attributes that make us wonderful human beings.  S0, what if you aren’t a certain size, making a difference in the world is what really matters.

LEARN TO TAKE A COMPLIMENT

Practice saying “thank you” when someone gives you a compliment.  Don’t over analyze it, or judge the giver, or make light of it, instead, let it soak in and allow yourself to feel good.

SELF-TALK

Listen to the chatter that goes on in your head.  Are you saying nice things to yourself?  Many of us go around with a negative tape recorder playing in our heads all day.  When we stop, listen, we hear things like “why did you do that?” or “I can’t believe you actually said that?”  Replace these negative thoughts with praise, such as, “what a good idea; that was a good way of handling the situation or that was a real accomplishment; I’m so proud of you!” Reframe your negative thoughts into positives.  By shifting from words of criticism to words of praise, you begin to change your life.  Even if you don’t always believe what you’re telling yourself, the more you talk to yourself with love, the more you believe it.

AFFIRMATIONS

A long with self-talk, giving yourself positive affirmations is a powerful way to change the way you feel about your body.  Find a part of your body that you like and accept, even if it is your eyes, hair, or smile.  Write an affirmation about it..  For instance, “ I love the way my eyes sparkle.”  Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and repeat this to yourself.  Even if you have to fake it until you make it.   After a few weeks, move on to another affirmation.

LEARN TO COMPLIMENT OTHERS

By learning to acknowledge the good in others, you can learn to notice the good in yourself.

FOCUS ON THE POSITIVES

Hating your body can become a bad habit.  All our negative feelings are transferred to the body.  Instead of dealing with the problems that create negative feelings, we just shove those feelings deep inside our body and end up hating it more and more.  Learning to focus on the positives gives you a whole new perspective.  It allows you to see the world half-full instead of half-empty.  Focus on the good in your life.  Admire the beauty of a sunset, walk along the water, stop and smell the roses.  Begin to focus on your body.  See the good in it.  It gets where you are going.  It is a faithful companion.

STOP FANTASY THINKING

Do you ever hear yourself saying, “I’d just love to lose x pounds.  I’d be happy.” Stop those thoughts NOW.  Your body is not the reason you are miserable.  It is likely the otherway around,  Get on with life.  Be loving, and you will attract loving people.

BODY MOVEMENT

The body was designed to move.  To walk or run or jump or dance are normal activities.  By reconnecting yourself with your body, you might be amazed at how incredible it really is.  Yoga is a great way to reconnect with your body.  It is noncompetitive, gentle, stretching program that will relax you and make your body feel wonderful.  If you do not want a structured program and hate the gym, go for a walk.  Experience how your body feels on your walks.  Be aware of your breathing.  Do not force yourself to exercise; allow yourself the opportunity to move.

BEFORE YOU LOOK INTO THE MIRROR; THINK OPTIMISTICALLY

When you start your day, decide how you are feeling before looking into the mirror. Every morning when you wake up, THANK YOUR BODY for resting and rejuvenating itself so you can enjoy the day, and every evening when you go to bed, tell your body how much you enjoy and appreciate what it has allowed you to do throughout the day.

CUT LABELS OUT OF YOUR CLOTHES

The size on the tags should NOT dictate your mood for the day.

STAY AWAY FROM THE SCALE

As a matter of fact, get off it!  If your weight needs to be monitored, leave that up to the doctors.  How much you weigh should never affect your self-esteem or your sense of who you are.  Don’t let a SIMPLE number have the power over you.  You are so much more than what shows up on an empty scale.

REMIND YOURSELF THAT LOOKING HEALTH IS SOMETHING POSITIVE

It means that you are well rested, eating right and nurturing your soul.  It means no more than that, and no less than that.

THINK back to a time in your life when you felt good about your body.  Tell yourself you can feel like that again, even in this body at this age.  

CHOOSE to find beauty in the world and in yourself

START saying to yourself, Life is too short to waste my time hating my body this way.

WEAR CLOTHES THAT ARE COMFORTABLE

And make you feel good about your body and know you appreciate it.  Take a bubble bath, make the time for a nap, find a peaceful place outside and relax.

TRY TO LOOK AT YOUR BODY AS A GIFT from your parents or from God.

SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PEOPLE

It is easier to feel good about yourself and your body when you are around others who are supportive and who recognize the importance of liking yourself just as you naturally are.  Also be aware of how your attitude about your body, food, and exercise influences those around you.  Treat and talk about your body  with love, care, and respect.

SUPPORT

The struggle to heal negative body image is an ongoing battle.  It is often wise to seek professional help of a therapist and dietitian.  There are also self-help groups available for no charge as well as many books and articles that have been written on the subject of food and body image.  Talk to a trusted friend or relative.  All of us need support.  It is extremely hard in our culture to have a healthy, positive, body image.  You need and deserve support.

LIST TEN THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR APPEARANCE

You’re a person, not just a body.  It helps to think what’s important to me-my family, my friends, and God.  I remind myself my relationships, my family, my friends love me because of who I am, not because I wear a certain size or weigh a certain number.

HOW DO YOU RELATE TO YOUR BODY?

See your body in your mind?

Describe your body to others?

Talk about your body to yourself?

Feel about your body?

Treat your body?

Each of these ways of relating to your body affects the others, they are inner-connected.  That might sound overwhelming, but it is actually good news-changes in one area will lead to changes in others.  For example, if you begin to change how you describe your body, you will start to think differently about your body, and this will affect how you feel about your body, or if you start to change how you treat your body, it will change how you feel and think about your body.

BE AWARE OF HOW YOU RELATE TO YOUR BODY

One way to start changing your body image is to become aware of how you think, see, describe, and treat your body, and how you feel about your body.  Choose one of these components of body image to work on and focus your attention on it.  For example, if you think about your body in a negative way, become aware of when you have those thoughts.  Begin by simply noticing them.  Pay attention to how often they occur, when they occur, and what you say to yourself.  See if there’s a pattern.  Recognizing a pattern can help you be aware of things or situations that feed you shame or hatred about your body.  For example, some people think more negative thoughts about their bodies when they are feeling anxious or nervous.  If that’s true for you, you may want to think about what you can do to help yourself feel more calm and safe, such as acknowledge how you feel, say something reassuring to yourself, and take a few deep breaths.  By working on your anxiety, you may find that you feel better and aren’t thinking as many negative thoughts about your body.

FOCUS ON WHAT YOUR BODY DOES

• Keeps me alive
• Gives me a place to live
• Have never left or abandoned me
• Has survived and continues to renew, heal and sustain itself

ALLOWS ME TO

• Hug people I love
• Dance
• Do yoga
• Swim
• Write
• Read
• Feel
• Talk
• Sing
• Drive
• Smile
• Laugh
• Jump
• Draw, color, paint
• Ride my bike
• Walk or Run
• Learn
• Visit other countries and admire the culture
• Splash in the waves of the ocean
• Take a long shower
• Play with my dog
• See the beauty that surrounds me.
• Live

I appreciate what my body does for me.  I need my body to do things, accomplish things, go places.  I need my body to be healthy so I can live.

PERSONAL QUALITIES NOT MEASURED BY TESTS

• Creativity
• Critical Thinking
• Resilience
• Motivation
• Persistence
• Curiosity
• Question Asking
• Humor
• Endurance
• Reliability
• Enthusiasm
• Civic-Mindedness
• Self-Awareness
• Self-Discipline
• Empathy
• Leadership
• Compassion
• Courage
• Sense of beauty
• Sense of wonder
• Resourcefulness
• Spontaneity
• Humility
• 
  

20 Ways To Celebrate International No Diet Day

1. The obvious: Take the No Diet Pledge (Don't forget to print it out as a reminder.)

2. Review the facts.  Dieting rarely works. 95% of all dieters regain their lost weight and more within 1 to 5 years.

3. Do some research.  Next time you see a diet ad, read the extra fine print under the before/after pictures.

4. Throw out your scale.  While physically chucking that bathroom scale out a second-story window and watching it break into pieces below sounds exciting, there are obvious risks with that tactic.  Consider these alternative methods:

• Donate it to a thrift store (bonus = tax write-off for donations!)
• Hand it over at your next therapy or nutrition appointment
• Wait by the road on trash day and hand it directly to your Garbage Collector

5. Use the money you planned to spend on diet products to get a massage, visit a museum,  send a gift to an out-of-town friend, OR deposit it in a savings account.  We promise it will be more fulfilling.

6. Check out some of our favorite websites and bloggers that advocate a non-diet approach to healthy living for people of every size.

• Linda Bacon, PhD and Health at Every Size
• Evelyn Tribole, MS, RD and Intuitive Eating

7. Recycle any weight-loss magazines or diet cookbooks.  Get creative and turn them into crafts, rip-out the pages and use them as packing paper for breakables.  Or simply thrown them in the recycling bin.

8. Better yet: cancel any ongoing subscriptions to diet-laden publications.

9. Do a spring cleaning of your closet.  Donate clothes that don’t fit or don’t make you feel good in your body.  Remember,clothes are meant to fit your body, not the other way around.

10. Start living.  Do the thing you’ve been putting off until you lose X pounds. Go to the beach, take a salsa dancing lesson, go mountain climbing.

11. Reach out for support. If chronic dieting and an intense focus on weight loss has led to serious problems with eating disorders, dangerous weight-loss attempts or feelings of depression,  seek professional help.  (Not sure if you really need help?  You can start with this confidential, self-assessment quiz to find out).

12. Are you a parent, pediatrician, educator or childcare provider?  Help cultivate a new generation of non-dieters by teaching children to be competent eaters from the start.  Check out these great feeding resources:

• Ellyn Satter and The Division of Responsibility
• Dr. Katja Rowell at Family Feeding Dynamics

13. Make a list of 10 positive things your body does for you. Hang it on your mirror.

14. Wear something you love and feel comfortable in

15. Spread the word. Copy the picture above and post to your Facebook profile.

16. Connect to nature.  Find some beautiful scenery, sit, relax and be inspired by the natural ability of living things to nourish themselves without external cues from diet companies.   You have the same ability.

17. Feeling crafty? Instead of trashing the bathroom scale, consider taking it apart and turning it into an art project representing your freedom from dieting.  (Side note: If you do this, PLEASE send us a pic and we will post on our facebook page!)

18. Compliment a friend on a quality not related to appearance OR tell someone you love what makes them beautiful without using words that describe body size, weight or appearance.

19. Add up all of the time you usually spend weighing yourself, counting calories, reading weight-loss articles, feeling badly about your body, or thinking about food.  Make a list of all the things you'd rather be doing with that time.  Start doing them.

20. Keep on going.  Just in case 20 ideas wasn't enough for you, here's a list of "50 Ways to Lose the 3 Ds: Dieting, Drive for Thinness, and Body Dissatisfaction" from The National Eating Disorders Association.

www.eatingdisorder.org/blog