Recovery

 

Recovery seems to be getting even more challenging than it already was.  We are losing people left and right from complications of Eating Disorders, but we all know that we aren't getting accurate statistic rates because when one passes away they typically don't mention "eating disorder" even though we know it was the likely cause.

I want congress to wake up and lets face the facts here.  It's a lot cheaper to pay for treatment that a person needs than ripping apart families who have to pay for a funeral.  This year I can't even put into words how difficult it has been and I know I am not alone in feeling this way. 

Recovery isn't easy and no one said it would be.  We aren't invincible to this illness.  We must do our best to fight the battle as hard and as long as it takes.  Cherish your life because you only have one and making it a meaningful one.  You didn't develop your eating disorder overnight and it will take just as long or longer to recover.  Recovery isn't perfect and it's not a straight line.  There are curves, slips, and slides along the way, but as long as you continue to move forward you will see just how amazing recovery is.  You can never take a day off in recovery.

Just because you made it to the other side of the fence towards recovery doesn't mean you're finished or even cured.  You still have to work at recovery day and night and sometimes overnight.  To stay and maintain where you are at you still need to see your treatment team for accountability,  Maybe, not as often as in the beginning stages, but you still need to stay on board with the professionals that have helped save your life.  Never give up and always keep fighting!

More Meaningful Quotes

I saw a woman today, she was totally confident with who she was, not because she was perfect, but because she was real.  She chose not to define herself by her imperfections, but to rather embrace them, because this is what made her unique.  She accepted her boddy as the only one she had, and then vowed she would put it to good use, especially her heart.  Then I realized I was looking in the mirror, and that I was really staring at me.

One day you will finally had Enough!...and you know what you have to do.  Despite the "voices" around you "shouting bad advice",...you just simply need to let go!

Just because you change, doesn't mean other people will change...what a life lesson! I am proud of who I am and my recovery.  I don't have to live in the past any longer...the future has so much to offer me.

There are some people in your life who will never give up on you.  They fight for you, they cry for you, they believe in you no matter what and never give up on you.

The only way you will ever get trust back is to earn it...and that alone takes time.

In Loving Memory of Kristina

Here I am again!  Walking down the same old familar path that I would rather not go down again, but in reality this is where I am or shall I say we are once again.  Another friend who's life was stolen as a result of "Anorexia"

Kristina was a special kind of person with a heart old gold, extraordianary talented, had a sense of style like no other, and I honestly thought this this girl "had it" and would either become a designer or maybe a model.She loved her animals.  Kristina was and one the the most understanding and caring person I have ever come across. The fact I will never have another conversation with her or see her upload more of her art just makes me want to cry even more. She was alway on some kind of art project...very right brained personality. She inspired me greatly as I love art and I know she inspired others too.  Tears are streaming down my face as I write this. Grief is hard, but when someone passes away too soon and especially of an eating disorder it becomes what feels like an impossible kind of grief.  I am numb...I haven't done anything other than cry, sleep, check my phone, cry and sleep.  I am walking, but not feeling...this is the shock part of grief in the 5 stages of grief by Elizabeth Kublr-Ross

Life can definitely take us down paths that we don't expect to be on and feel emotions we don't realize we are capable of  experiencing.  Tradegy and losing someone dear to you is one of the most confusing and sorrowful experiences we will ever go through.  Allowing yourself to cry to be confused and vent is a natural process.  But it's where we go from there that's important. Do we stay where we are stuck or do we continue to fight and move forward.  The obvious answer is move forward towards recovery, but when you are in a state of grief I think it's perfectly okay to stay where you are.  You don't have to push yourself foward right away.  Processing things, taking care of your needs, and having support is what is important in times as these.  As long as you aren't traveling backwards into a relapse staying right where you are is perfectly okay.

                                                                                           

Sadly, enough we keep losing people to this awful illness of an eating disorder.  This has been a hard year not just for myself, but the close knit community that advocates, struggles, or is recovering from an eating disorder.  It was a shock to me to say the least even though she struggled I believed she would make it.  She was getting treatment and truly wanted to get better.  Kristina and I had a lot in common with the passion through art.  We would talk about different art ideas through Pinterest and then repin each other's ideas. Then the talk about "smash books" I will never forget.  It was endless idea of what each of us could do and we exchanged our books to each other.  It was a shock to everyone that she passed away. She is very much loved and thought about and I pray she knows that.

You must realize how important life truly is and treasure every minute of it because in all honesty you really don't know what tomorrow will bring you.  One thing is for sure is eating disorders are very fatal and yet they get the least amount of coverage by insurance companies.  So, in turn the mortality rate increases. Eating Disorders DO NOT discriminate.  Men, Women of all ages, races, lifestyle, economic status, shapes, and sizes can suffer from an eating disorder. Whether it be Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, EDNOS, Night Eating, or Compulsive Exercise they are ALL DEADLY. None of us chooses to have an eating disorder, rather it chooses us. Eating Disorders are by no means pretty or glamorous. This madness has to end NOW.

I'm heartbroken at the amount of friends I have lost to this ugly disease. Please fight your hardest to overcome your eating disorder. Those that are in "recovery" battlinng and those that are battling to be in "recovery" must use the fight for strength. It's a choice between life and death.  The in between, living in your illness is not really living at all.  Each meal, every snack, every day counts, no ifs and sorrys or butts.  We do not have the luxury to restrict our intake.

Rest In Peace

Kristian Swygert

Melissa Deheart

Gretchen Elizabeth Gleason

Emily Elizabeth Roe

We Are Here For A Reason

Life can take us down paths we don't expect to be on and feel emotions we don't realize we are capable of experiencing.  Tradegy and losing someone dear to you is one of the most confusing and sorrowful experiences we go through. Allowing yourself to cry

And be confused and vent is a natural process. But it's where is go from there that's important. 

Our painful experiences are meant to makes us much stronger people in the end.  I am very grateful for each and every day no matter how good or hoe bad it may seem.

I know that my experiences are meant for me to reach out and demonstrate to others one lesson that remains constant "LOVE." It doesn't matter who you are, where you have come from, your political or religious views, or even what you have been through. Just show love to each other.

Life is too precious to waste time on hurt feelings or negative emotions.  We have all been hurt.  Don't let your pain keep you from being the person you are meant to be.  We must also realize just how important your life is. There are things we never want to let go of, people we never want yo leave behind, but keep in mind that everything happens for a reason. We may not exactly know what that reason is yet, but we need to trust that something good will come out of it.  Life's challenge are not meant to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. 

You must keep fighting for your life no matter what.  If you run into a wall don't turn around and give up.  Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.  Sometimes it's the smallest steps in the right direction that end up being the biggest step of your life.

Recovery is painful and it hurts. It's filled with lots of guilt and anxiety...but so is an eating disorder.  Find that "something" that you would die for and live for it. 

We must be kind to everyone that we meet, to compermise in situations when necessary, to smile and laugh even when it's difficult.  We don't know how much time we have here on earth.  But as long as we have s positive impact on one another then we've done our job.

A Commitment to Change

A Commitment to Change

Author: Heather Watts

Change! What does it really mean to me? What makes me want to change, and why? Is it permanent? These are a few of the questions that I have been asking myself. I believe that the bottom line is: "Do I want to change?" The answer is YES!

If I want to have a life, I need to change for the better. The things I want and want to do cannot include an eating disorder. The fact of the matter is that my eating disorder takes it away from me. It sucks away life, hope, happiness, energy, repels people, and takes everything I love away. It has brought nothing but sadness.

The deeper I got, the more I hated myself. I don't want this. There is still a small portion that wants to hang on. I'm still working on this and know that it will take time. I also need to allow myself room for error. It is okay to make mistakes. I believe that there are some very important keys to change. One of them is the realization that mistakes are permitted. I don't need to be and do everything right the first time. Yes, I will do and say things that will not be the best, but at least I'm still trying, learning, and growing from each experience. Life does not end with one mistake. You just grow.

Even if it takes me longer to accomplish something or it takes me several tries, it does not mean I always screw up or am not a very smart person. It just means that I can learn more, make sure that the quality is well worth the time and effort, and maybe it is not my field of interest. There is no use in comparing me to someone else when they are not me in any form. They may have traits that I admire and would like to develop, but that does not mean I'm a bad person.

Comparing is something that I have trouble with. I can see that it doesn't do me any good, but I still persist in doing it. I don't do it as much now, so I am getting better, but I still do it. One of the things I find myself doing and catching myself with more are my negative thoughts. I say to myself, "Hold on. You are just as good and worthy as they are." I also am working on trying to forgive myself.

Within the last week I have come to a greater understanding of certain things. Why am I so reserved and angry with my mom? I have distanced myself from almost everyone. Having those I can trust and can talk to is going to be so important as I continue to recover and struggle. A good portion will have to come from me. Will I be willing to say when I'm struggling and ask for help? The only person I will really hurt is me in the long run if I'm not willing to open up to others.

There are so many things that I could always improve on but these I feel will be the most important to me as I progress toward life and recovery. These things that are important all seem to tie into being happy with me and loving who I am. I do want to love who and what I am. I believe with all my heart that it is achievable with the help of others, Heavenly Father, and my willingness to risk and take chances. Change means growth and life.

My Rant on Rating Disorders

I recently within the year have lost 4 no, now 5 individuals to eating disorders and this should never have to happen to anyone. We need more understanding, more educating, and more advocacy. We need people who "truly" get it. Eating Disorders have the highest mortality rate of any other psychiatric illness and they are very "real" illnesses. It isn't about food, your weight, or even wanting to look like someone else. The do not discriminate and no one is invincible to the illness. It doesn't matter if you are struggling or in recovery it can and will take your life if you allow it to. Eating Disorders take lives every year and it doesn't matter if you are a woman, man, your economic status, race, lifestyle, shape, size, or even age. Whether it be Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating, EDNOS or Compulsive Exercise they are ALL VERY DEADLY. We do not choose to have an eating disorder, but rather it chooses us. We must look underneath and find the real problem rather than using very unhealthy coping mechanisms. Take a look at your feelings, thoughts, mindset that you have embedded inside your brain from such a very young age. Eating Disorders are about insecurity, self-hatred, feelings of worthlessness and anger so strong you are unable to cope. They are about having a super sensitive personality that would do anything to avoid hurting or even allowing another ED victim suffer. The negative thoughts that tell you "you aren't good enough." YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH no matter what the eating disorder is telling you. "Secrets are what keeps us sick and you are only as sick as your secrets." Please get the help you need before it takes your life too.