Recovery Art Journals

I'm sure that all of you have heard of "Smash books" Well, I am very righ brained and lean towards art and music so creating an recovery "art jouranal" as I call it was something that gave meaning to recovery.  

I thought I would share a coping mechanism that I use.  It's an outlet that I turn to when I'm really stressed out or even if I am feeling crafty that day.  It also enables me to express myself in positive ways through art.  Personally speaking, art has helped me with my recovery process.  When I was inpatient I know that "Art Therapy" helped me the most when I was unable to put words with what I was feeling.  I have now learned how to deal with those emotions in a healthy way and can be assertive about them.  I am currently working on a second "art journal" at the moment.  When you have finished an "art journal" and need some inspiraton you can always go back and look at your work.  It also helps when you're having an off day...we all have those days.

You must always keep moving forward in recovery!  Find things that inspire you that you can use towards your recovery.  As Jenni Schaefer says, recovery is not an option.  That is so true...so, start using your creating side and explore things you can use as coping mechanisms.  Art just happens to be a HUGE coping mechanism for me.  I could literally open up my own art store in my home

It's not possible to take pictures of my entire art journal and post it, but let me say it's completely filled, every page...every single spot.

What you need to do is go to your local craft store and purchase a smash book (there are many different themes of smash books from girly to vintage), a book with even card stock, or if you prefer a regular sketch book that would also work well.  It all depends on what you prefer.  There are a variety of project life products if you choose to purchase them.  I didn't go that route since they were pretty pricy and to be honest I'm not into project life.

Supplies:

• A smash book, regular journal, sketch book, or a cardstock book.  The average cost is $12-20
• You can purchase inspirational messages at your local craft store.  I just printed recovery related images and quotes from the internet.  I have a huge collection of recovery images and quotes on my computer
• Glue...I used regular elmer's glue stick's...the other elmer's glue is too messy and doesn't work well. Craft glue's were also hard to use with art journals
• Regular scissors or crafty scissors.  You can purchase craft scissors that have zig zag lines. That's what I did.
• Recovery related quotes...you can hand write them or I printed them from the computer and used crafty scissors to cut them out.
• Glitter or shaped hole punches...not entirely necessary.  It dependss how you want to go about it.
• Stickers
• Markers or craft pens

I hope you find this inspiring and something you can use towards recovery.  Remember that recovery is ALWAYS possible!

NEDA WEEK

Today's message was something I felt was very much needed and I hope you get something positive out of the message and are able to use it to your own advantage.

 It's the start of "National Eating Disorders Week 2014" and this year's theme is "I had no idea that eating disorders can destroy lives"  What a powerful message this is and yet so real.  Eating Disorders sadly enough do destroy lives, famlies, and friendships. They impact not only are communities, but even our nation. Speaking for me personally, I have lost people that I cared deeply about to this ugly disease and I want to keep that from happening to anyone else.

I feel that it's time we change the way that we view the world of eating disorders. Things are already starting to change for the better which is a good start.  For those who are suffering or have suffered now is the time to stand up aganist ED and tell the eating disorder we are no longer going to take the ugly tactics any longer.  What a better and more profound time to do this then during "National Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2014" 

You or maybe someone that you know more than likely has experiened some kind of eating disorder.  Now it the time to for you to stand up and get involved, make a difference in your community.  There are so many opportunites to changes lives this week in your own community.  You can join a NEDA WALK or even the 4th Annual Mentor-Connect Virtue NEDA WALK.  You can raise awarness, education, and raise money for better funding for eating disorders, you can host an event, have a booth at a University, have a bake sale, print of valuable information for others, hang up posters, speak at local schools where eating disorders typically begin, and you can use any kind of social media to spread the word as well...get in the the know and do just one thing! You see there are so many ways to make a huge impact in eating disorders today.   The more we are able to reach out to others and help others, the better chance they have to ask for much needed help for their eating disorder...which in itself will make a HUGE difference.  www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

We all must remember that eating disorders are not choices, they are very serous illnessses. 

In the United States alone 20 million women and ten million men suffer from some type of eating disorder which is very alarming to me.  Let's bring that number down and start today!  Education is the key componet in keeping the eating disorder rate down.  If caught early enough within a few years the recovery rate is much greater than those who have suffered over half of their lives.

Trust your treatment team so your healing can begin...You are never alone in this fight.  Full recovery is always possible!

NEDA WEEK 2014

It's finally here...National Eating Disorder Week 2014!  It's something that is very important not only to me, but those who are currently suffering, and also those who are no longer here to share their story.  NEDA WEEK is all about raising awareness, education, raising money, and letting others understand how deadly eating disorders can be...but they don't have to be.  You can choose recovery and live a life full of happiness, joy, and laughter.  Today, I am reminded of those who I truly cared about and connected with that lost the battle to an eating disorder. It really breaks my heart how many lives the eating disorder takes each year which is why it is crucical to raise awareness about this deadly illness, but also remember that recovery is possible!  NEDA WEEK is something Ido, but it's something I feel that is my obligated to so, I can share my story and be a voice for eating disorder recovery.

We tend to think that we are invincible to the eating disorder and it will never happen to us...or will it?  We truly can't guarantee that we are invincible to this deadly disease which is why I am saying "fight with all your might".  You must never give up on your recovery because I don't want to see another "Rest In Peace" status on any social network anymore.  I want to see "I Survived and Made It"  The storm is dark and treacherous, but keep sailing along no matter what.  If you need support...be assertive an ask for support. You or I alone can not recover from an eating disorder alone.  It's takes support as a mentor, treatment team, friends, or even family.

The Statistics for Eating Disorders are quite alarming.

• 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner (Collins, 1991).
• In elementary school fewer than 25% of girls diet regularly. Yet those who do know what dieting involves and can talk about calorie restriction and food choices for weight loss fairly effectively (Smolak, 2011; Wertheim et al., 2009).
• 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat (Mellin et al., 1991).
• 46% of 9-11 year-olds are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets, and 82% of their families are “sometimes” or “very often” on diets (Gustafson-Larson & Terry, 1992).
• Over one-half of teenage girls and nearly one-third of teenage boys use unhealthy weight control behaviors such as skipping meals, fasting, smoking cigarettes, vomiting, and taking laxatives (Neumark-Sztainer, 2005).
• 35-57% of adolescent girls engage in crash dieting, fasting, self-induced vomiting, diet pills, or laxatives. Overweight girls are more likely than normal weight girls to engage in such extreme dieting (Boutelle, Neumark-Sztainer, Story, &Resnick, 2002; Neumark-Sztainer&Hannan, 2001; Wertheim et al., 2009).
• Even among clearly non-overweight girls, over 1/3 report dieting (Wertheim et al., 2009).
• Girls who diet frequently are 12 times as likely to binge as girls who don’t diet (Neumark-Sztainer, 2005).
• The average American woman is 5’4” tall and weighs 165 pounds. The average Miss America winner is 5’7” and weighs 121 pounds (Martin, 2010).
• The average BMI of Miss America winners has decreased from around 22 in the 1920s to 16.9 in the 2000s. The World Health Organization classifies a normal BMI as falling between 18.5 and 24.9 (Martin, 2010).
• 95% of all dieters will regain their lost weight in 1-5 years (Grodstein, Levine, Spencer, Colditz, &Stampfer, 1996; Neumark-Sztainer, Haines, Wall, & Eisenberg, 2007).
• 35% of “normal dieters” progress to pathological dieting. Of those, 20-25% progress to partial or full-syndrome eating disorders (Shisslak, Crago, & Estes, 1995).
• Of American, elementary school girls who read magazines, 69% say that the pictures influence their concept of the ideal body shape. 47% say the pictures make them want to lose weight (Martin, 2010).

What you can do is seek out help.  Find a treatment team that will communicate with each other on your behalf such as a therapist that specializes in eating disorders, dietitian, physician, and psychiatrist.  All of these are a very crucial part of recovery.   I believe in you and your recovery.

Things I Love in Life

I believe in recovery you have to learn to love yourself.  If you don't love yourself your recovery won't be as successful as it could be. There are so many wonderful things out there waiting for you to discover.  Take a risk and get out of your comfort zone and discover what you like without your eating disorder

Things I love in Life

• Laughig so hard that your face hurts
• A bubble bath with candles and soft music and a book
• Getting a hand written letter
• Taking a drive on a beautiful road when you have nothing to do
• Hearing my favorite song on the radio and calling a friend so they can hear it too
• Lying in bed and listening to the rain outside
• Wrapping myself up in a hot towel fresh out of the dryer
• A funny conversation with a good friend that lasts for hours
• The beach at sunset
• Running into someone I miss really bad
• Finding a $20 bill in my coat pocket from last winter
• Looking into the face of a newborn baby while in your arms
• Having someone tell you that you're special to them
• Laughing at an inside joke that only you and your friend get out of a group of people
• When my friend goes to a concert and leaves me a message with the phone in the air so I can hear it too.
• Accidently hearing someone say something nice about you
• Waking up before the alarm clock and just laying in bed
• Making new friends or spending time with old ones
• Having someone play with your hair
• Remembering a sweet dream
• Jeans that are actually long enough to fit
• Cereal...one of the best foods ever
• When you are drying your hair and start to sing and dance to the song on the radio in front of the mirror with the hairbrush as the microphone
• Reading a good book that gets you caught up in it
• That feeling that you get after doing something you've been nervous about for a long time
• Waking up on Christmas morning
• An old couple walking and holding hands...so sweet!
• Hot chocolate next to a warm fire
• Road Trips
• Hearing someone say that they are proud of you
• Watching the expression on someone's face when they open a much desired present from you.
• Knowing that someone misses me
• Getting a meaningful hug from someone I care about deeply
• Knowing that I've done the right thing, no matter what others think
• Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day
• Knowing that I am doing the best that I can and it DOES matter
• Looking in the mirror and realizing how beautiful I am

Meaningful Quotes

I decided to post some meaningful quotes that have helped me in recovery and I hope that are able to help you as well.

Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control of what you don't

~Dr. Steve Maraboli

The definition of a healthy lifestyle is not working out all the time, eating fruits and vegetables.  A healthy lifestyle is doing whatever you like, smiling, inner peace, and your soul, loving, being happy, laughing with the one's you love, feeling comfortable with your body and being positive. Enjoy being alive

~Unknown

The size of my waist has nothing to do with the size of my worth

~Unknown

It doesn't matter if you fall, what matters is that you get back uo

~Unknown

Some day disobeying the eating disorder is so painful it bring tears to my eyes, but it's worth it.  It worth it because it will eventually lead to freedom and a sense of wholeness

~Hedda Riktor

The sign of a beautiful person is that they always see beauty in others

~Omar Suleiman

Life can only be found in the present moment.  The past is gone, the future is not yet here, and if we do not go back to ourselves in the present moment, we cannot be touched with life

~Thich Nhat Hahn

I am learning to fly around the clouds

~Unknown

I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become

~Carl Jung

Let today be the day you learn the grace of letting go and the power of moving on

~Dr. Steve Maraboli

I will feed myself and fight the illness.  Not feed this illness and fight myself

~Unknown

Life in Recovery

"Life in Recovery" is truly an amazing experience.  It's what I call "my ah-ha moment". " Life in Recovery" makes me be able to do things I never dreamed were even possible or yet attainable.  It enables me to smile, laugh, go to the mall with friends, or even go out to eat at a restraunt.  I want to share the message that "There is Hope" for you in recovery...you are never alone and help is alway avaliable.

My recovery is about being real, honest, hopeful, authentic and it's also about making mistakes, seeking feedback even when I didn't want it.  I had to try new things and push myself as hard as possible...this process took years and still is ongoing today.  You can never take a day off in recovery...it's an every day thing and I believe that everyone  has the full potential of recovery, but reaching this potential takes lots of pratice and hard work. What helped me the most was therapy, nutrition counsling, and medication management which helped me with the underlying depression, anxiety, and OCD.  I think these things are extremely a crucial part of recovery.  What ultimately got me better was nutrition...eating three meals a day and two snack every day no matter what! My recovery meant getting off my meal plan an into intutive eating. Eating when you are hungry and being able to stop when you are full. It's when I was able to stop counting calories and where numbers are no longer a trigger for me. I don't even think about them anymore. It's where I can realiae that I am not defined by the number on the scale, a label, a diagnosis, or even a person with an eating disorder.  It's when I can stop looking up nutritional information.   It's about being healthy both mentally and physically, to sit with my anxiety and fears and to NEVER engage in Ed even if I don't feel 100%. It means I can do many meaningful things like hug a friend or play with my yorkie Bella..  Recovery in itself is a very complicated task I will admit. Full recovery from an eating disorder means the unhealthy thinking is under control and have been completely resolved, but recovery does not mean that you will love your body all the time.  Our bodies enable us to do things we enjoy.   Distractions from eating disorder behaviors were also very important (see coping to toolbox blog) Every time you are distracted from the eating disorder you are healing. When I am able to realize that I have perfectionist tendencieswhich are not attainable.  Today, I can honestly say I am imperfectly perfect.   Recovery means taking off the mask you have been hiding under and facing life, being assertive, and being able to say "no" to things you don't want to do.   It's also about accepting myself for who I am not and what I was and on moving on-a life of fulfillment, happiness, and love.  I must remember that recovery takes time...lots of time  Recovery gives me the power to take immediate action when I am about to slip. For me, it means I am not hiding my struggles from those that care and love you me . Full recovery means I don't believe that I will ever have another relapse and the eating disorder has banished forever.   My recovery remains in the present tense and still in on going.  It's about re-building lives after the eating disorder and figuring out every thing that life has to offer.  Recovery took me more time and hard work than I ever thought possible, but it has paid off and has taken my life back from the eating disorder.  My life is no long ruled by what Ed says because Ed is non-existant in my world. If I want to stay well, I can't ever neglect any of these things...I have to continue to do them every single day. When I am in the process of reaching for recovery I discovered how much I have learned about myself and my thinking has shifted away from the eating disorder that I will t have nothing to do with Ed any longer.   It's when I am are able to discover who I am as a whole person and not someone with an eating disorder. They say "you're only sick as your secrets"  It's when I need to open up and to start being honest and real which has been a huge part of my healing.  No two people are identical, which means no two recoveries will be the same either, so stop comparing yourself to someone else in recovery.  It's not worth it.  My recovery isn't finished yet...it's a work in progress. I have confidence today and I am able to be grateful that I am alive today. You have to make peace with you are and who you are and learning how to respect your limits.

Today, I wear purple because I am fre(ed)

Moving in the Right Direction

Eating Disorder Recovery gives you a great sense of relief and it's as if you were being suffocated, but now you can FINALLY breathe.  There is pain no doubt in the initial stages of treatment.  At a point you are relieved to be out of your old unhealthy eating disorder behaviors and in a safe environment-protection.  But there is a huge part of you that wants to get up and pack you bags and leave.  This is where you need to be strong and say to yourself  "I can do this".  There is light at the end of that very dark and ugly tunnel, and it's not a freight train.

There are times in treatment where I personally felt all alone and no one to turn to or talk to.  I would go to my room and get in bed and cry.  All I wanted to do is stay in the warm bed because it was comfort, but I knew I had to pull myself out and face the eating disorder head on or it would take me 8 feet down into the ground.  Many people would ask me "Do you want to recover" or "Do you want to stay sick" I knew the answer, but was scared.  It's as if I wanted to recover, but also wanted a tiny bit of the eating disorder to tag along just in case I needed it.  Full recovery will not happen with the eating disorder tagging along.  You must pick yourself up off the ground and proceed forward with recovery.  Don't do it for your family, friends, teachers, or even mentors.  You have to do recovery for yourself because that's the only way it will really be full recovery.

Are you going through a period questioning your own recovery? You can turn around and walk away if you choose, but I promise you it will not only land you where you started, but it will be a miserable full relapse. You will stay stuck-like glue.  Continue to move forward no matter what the circumstances are.  You CAN push through it...it's really not an option anymore it's a "I have to for myself".  Take a giant leap of faith and trust your treatment team, family, friends, mentors, or teachers and move towards recovery.  You won't regret it I promise you because life on the other side in recovery is the most amazing and rewarding feeling you can possibly have.  It's like an Ah-ha moment.

Recovery is a Learning Process

What is really frustrating to me in recovery was that recovery doesn't happen overnight.  In the perfectionism world I always wanted to have the perfect recovery, but in reality that is not how recovery works.  Today, I can honestly say I am perfectly imperfect.  Recovery isn't a straight line to be fully recovered.  In recovery you will hit bumps, slip, and even slide along the way and that's okay!  As long as you keep moving or sometimes staying where you are is taking a huge step towards a better life and a better YOU!  Just because you have lapsed or even relapsed doesn't mean you have failed.  You have the choice to pick yourself up and try again. You will also learn from your falls as well.  I believe that those who have battled an eating disorder or even a really traumatic event are the strongest people I know. Those who have not been in our shoes are the ones that would fall apart. We have the tools from being in recovery to help those in need.

While I was recovery I experienced some emotions that I hadn't felt before.  Intense tears came and I want you to know it's okay to cry. I felt numb and wasn't quite sure how to experience these "new" emotions that were coming out like a flood of water. At some point in recovery you have to get in touch with all the pain, all the underlying issues that you have been stuffing for so long which come out in unhealthy ways-the eating disorder. Give your recovery all you got and you will see the reward.  When you truly put all your effort, and want recovery more than anything in the world well, that is a precious gift to receive.   Don't let Ed lure you back into his direction because I promise you it won't make you happy.

Just because you have changed doesn't mean other people will change and you have to tell yourself "that is about them" I am moving forward regardless. I still to this day have family members who will never change or understand what it is like to battle and eating disorder. I have lost friends as well...probably for the best.  I believe that anybody that "truly" wants recovery can have it. It may take one step at a time, one day at a time, or even one minute at a time, but if I can do it I know that you too can pursue recovery.  What matters most to you?  Is it your recovery or is it staying in the grips of the eating disorder?  The ultimate choice to choose the path of recovery is entirely up to you! Try and separate the Ed voice from yours and see what you can come up with. You see, once you hit the amazing place of recovery you are able to pursue your dreams, reach for your goals, and find what you purpose in life is.  For me, my calling and purpose is to make a difference in others that are struggling the same battle I have.  I want to spread awareness and education that it's not okay to engage in a relationship with Ed.

What is your purpose?  What are your goals?  What are your dreams?

Recovery is ALWAYS possible so, never ever give up because hope is waiting around the corner for you.

BE YOU!

My whole life “Somebody” was always telling me what I “should say how or I “should look”...how I “should dress or how I “should pray”. Finally one day. I told all the “Somebody’s in my life that I was the “only body” who could tell me what to do anymore. I write the story of my own life. There is a woman inside of me…she tells me to embrace life. She challenges me to repel self doubt and to kick the impossible inside out! She encourages me to push for self acceptance and to never rely on anybody else to make me feel worthwhile. She whispers to me to be poised and to speak with grace..and then screams at me to stand up for what I believe and to conquer those who stand in my way.. There is a woman inside of me..she is strong…she is confident…she is me!

You have got to find something that gets you up in the morning!!…something that drives your soul…something that gives you Passion! You have got to get up each day and think…”This inspires me to be who I am”…”This is what I am meant to do”…”This is how I am going to make my mark in this world”. Just remember it doesn’t take much to make a difference but whatever that difference is, make it your personal mission, and do nothing less then finding a way to make it possible every single day!!

What Matter's To You?

Life steps go from one moment to moment in a straight line, but the people and events around you are gently swayed, by your every move like ripples in a pond. Improve the world by valuing yourself! It matters! Prove that your life has meaning and value-it does!

"What you do matters"

"Think one thought of LOVE all day"

Pick one thought of LOVE.  Write it down on a slip of paper and carry it around in your pocket.  Repeat it to yourself often throughout the day and see what happens.

• Everyone is unique and worthwhile
• Wherever I am, LOVE is
• I will speak positively
• Everyday in every way is getting better and better
• I will treat myself and everyone that I meet with LOVE and respect
• Life is a treasure

Love is patient.  Love is kind.  It does not envy.  It does not boast.  It is not proud.  It is not rude.  It is not self-seeking.  It is not easily angered.  It keeps no records of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with truth.  It always protects.  Always trusts.  Always hopes.  Always preserves.

~1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Things To Ponder On Recovery

***Practice Self Esteem and DON'T let anything stand in the way of your own RECOVERY

***When you make the choice to let go of a significant part of your life, you are creating space.  You will find that you have time to fill, energy to expend, and emotions to handle

***You don't always have to be working on RECOVERY.  Sometime play time is just what you need

"Fat is not a feeling.  Fat is a nutrient and type of tissue that nourishes your body and makes life possible.  By getting lost in the deluge of emotions that "feeling fat" stirs up, your distracting yourself from the underlying issues.  It's the emotion beneath that is hurting you, not your actual body.  What is really going on?  The answer isn't the fat."

~Unknown

To Let Go

TO LET GO ~ 

Does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go........
Is not to cut myself off, it's the realization I can't control another.
Is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.
Is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
Is not to try to change or blame another, it's to make the most of myself.
Is not to care for, but to care about.
Is not to fix, but to be supportive.
Is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
Is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their destinies.
Is not to be protective, it's to permit another to face reality.
Is not to deny, but to accept.
Is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
Is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
Is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
Is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go.....
Is to fear less and love more.
~Unknown

What's Your Life's Purpose?

What is Life's Purpose?

For so long it seemed to me that my eating disorder was my purpose in life. I was totally wrong.  For over half of my life my identification has been linked to my eating disorder. It was the only thing I felt I was good at...which was losing weight. That doesn't seem like what life's purpose is about does it? But who are you really with your eating disorder? You aren't happy, fulfilled, vibrant, silly, goofy, or fun.  You are none of those things because you are so enmeshed in your eating disorder.  My eating disorder was there when others were not, it gave me control and a sense of purpose.  It seemed at the time there was no life beyond my eating disorder, but I have learned there is! God put me on this earth for a reason and I do realize I have some good qualities within me.  I am creative, honest, caring, compassionate, loved, friendly, and unique.  I have many talents such as art and music that give me a purpose.

I BELIEVE WE ALL HAVE A PURPOSE IF WE ARE ON THIS PLANET AND ALIVE!

So, what is your purpose?  Have you thought about what you want to do or even like to do? Try and set some goals...small goals at first and go from there.

I have met some amazing people throughout my life that have encouraged and supported me through my recovery.  I feel that my life purpose is to make a difference in others lives and help make someones day special.  It's doing random acts of kindness at of the goodness of my heart, it's helping tornado victims, it's carrying someone's groceries to their car.  This is my calling...my purpose in life.  To make a difference in other's lives which in the end makes me feel good as well.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” 
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Joy and Gratitude

Joy and Gratitude!  Does Gratitude bring you Joy?  I think gratitude is a very important part of being fulfilled and happy.  Some keep daily gratitude journals, others spend more time with their families, and some just stay in the moment.


"Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves when we allow ourselves to recognize how could things really are"
~Marianne Williamson

9 Ways To Practice Gratitude

1. Keep a daily calendar of gratitude
2. Mark Anniversaries with Milestones and Predictions
3. Share gratitude at the dinner table
4. Express your thankfulness for the hard stuff
5. Thank people behind the service
6. Write letters of gratitude
7. Start girl time with celebrating no negativity
8. Say Thank you
9. Appreciate things and what you have

We need to be grateful for everything around us and to people. 

My Gratitude List:

1. I am grateful for my family
2. Being alive and healthy
3. For God
4. For the ability to live where there is peace
5. For the materials to read and enhance my education
6. For food, water, and shelter
7. For my Yorkie "Bella"
8. For good Friends
9. For music
10. For nature.